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| Ladygrey |
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Posted: 12/16/2007 8:03 AM |
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Subject: In shock |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 35
Total Posts: 1
London
United Kingdom
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Last night my partner used my computer and left his hotmail logged in. I saw a huge number of messages from different women. I learned that he has been using dating sites for the whole of our relationship (we met on one) and he has met and had sex with different women and used our house while I was away on business. He has also exchanged sexually explicit photos showing himself and his mistress . I had always suspected something was going on due to late nights, unavailability on the phone etc it all makes sense now. I had asked him before if he was having an affair or using sites but he has always denied everything.
While I was on hotmail I wrote to all the women that he has been writing to/seeing recently (about 7) and introduced myself telling them of his behaviour and asking them not to make the same mistake I have made. He is not here now and I have had the locks changed.
I feel terrible and desperately want to get with getting over this as I don‘t want my life to be ruined by this terrible predator who as cheated me and disrespected our life together.
Any advice? I feel I need to understand and have asked him why he has treated me in this way. I don‘t think communicating with him is a good idea but I need to process this and can‘t.
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| uberbeotch |
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Posted: 12/16/2007 10:27 PM |
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Subject: In shock |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 467
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Total Posts: 1138
In a Dark Castle
Belarus
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Hi Polly,
I am so sorry you are going through this. It is so devastating to find out crap like this has been going on behind your back.
For your own serenity, do not have any contact with this man. You already know he‘s a liar & a cheater. No matter how many times you ask him, no matter how you phrase it, you will NOT get the truth out of this man. He will never tell you the true reasons why he did what he did.
The truth is, he‘s a liar & a cheater, and he has very severe character flaws. He is not capable of sustaining an exclusive, monogamous relationship. You are not to blame. It is nothing you did - he is just that way. You know this already, so try to accept that that‘s all you NEED to know.
You may have ignored red flags, and that is something you should look at for your own personal growth & self-protection. I suggest going to therapy or perhaps COSA or S-Anon (for those people affected by another‘s sexual addiction). I think you‘d find some support & acceptance there.
http://www.sanon.org/
http://www.cosa-recovery.org/
http://www.coslaa.org/
And if I were you, I‘d go get tested for every type of STD right away. Good for you for changing the locks so fast! Now block his emails & his phone numbers and write him off as a mistake you‘ll never make again.
Good luck & stay strong!
UB
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| sandrabrown |
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Posted: 12/25/2007 1:25 PM |
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Subject: In shock |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 49
Total Posts: 537
Penrose
North Carolina
United States
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Oh sweetie, what a heart break! Go to our main site www.saferelationships.com and click on therapist referrals. We do phone counseling. It sounds like you could really use someone right now. Also click on Treatment/Retreat Center link. It might help you to get some support right now. Do NOT let him talk his way back into your life. This is pointing to some serious mental health issues on his part. It has nothing to do with you. He either has a sexual addiction or perhaps a personality diorder--either way, really long term problems you don‘t want to associate yourself with.
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| ringtailedcat |
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Posted: 5/28/2008 12:32 PM |
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Subject: In shock |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 36
Total Posts: 3
grapevine
Texas
United States
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This is a very common problem with the computer age. It as if today‘s male population has no self-control whatsoever. It should be a given that if you are in a relationship, you are not on dating sites, actively dating. Come on!
Of my group of five girlfriends, each of the five of us have encountered either a porn problem, dating site/chat room problem or a combined horror of both with at least 2 of the men we have been in a committed relationship with over the past 10 years. All these men were strangers to one another. It was not learned behavior from being in the same social group. Those numbers do not speak well of the men in our society, nor give us women hope.
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| supermom21664 |
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Posted: 5/29/2008 6:01 PM |
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Subject: In shock |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 44
Total Posts: 989
Lumberton
Texas
United States
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Hi Polly!, I think you have all the info that you need. Now you just have to figure out a way to process what you have. Get yourself into counseling. And keep up the no contact. Good for your for immediately giving him the boot!
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