Hi, we has been married for 17 yrs.
I love the husband I have at home, always attentive to my needs, never come home late or slept outside, great father, great provider, always taking me to yearly honeymoon trips, cruises, concerts, etc, etc,. There is nothing I can ask him that he doesnt give me. BUT with the flaw that he can‘t (or doesn‘t want) to control his urge to flirt with other fems online and offline.
The worst part of the only flaw I see on him, is that everytime I think we are happy and doing fine in our marriage ; WHAM! I found he has been flirting online, accepting web cams invites, giving his work cell number, inviting them to meet or lunch.
.....
The first time I felt betrayed was 3 yrs after we started to live together, there were no computers back then, but he used to use the phone. Calling fem names from the white pages to see if any of them will answer his favorite introductory line : "Will you like to share your sexual fantasy with me"... Till one day a lady called back to talk with the owner of the house (this was like at 10pm) I Saw my husband face turn white like a ghost and it was there when I noticed something wasnt right. He said it was a telemarketer, but telemarketers dont call at 10pm at night so I pull the phone out of his hands and talked to the lady who told me she received a sexual phone call from our number and she recited hubbys favorite introductory line to the T... I Was in disbelief... And then the cyle of anger, deception, betrayal, forgiveness and start all over again began...
Then 3 yrs later the computers appeared. And what was difficult for him in the past was now so accesible and easy.. I Still remember the second time I felt betrayed... 1 day after we got legally married I found he was seeing other females he met thru the internet. Even found emails sent and received with coments like "I love your kisses" "I cant wait to eat you all", "your last day as a single man" etc ect. I was in such rage, I wanted to kill him but again I forgave him after his promises of never do the same again...
He use to do this during working hours. His work computer is his main tool in order to contact other females. He seek the members directory, type in , females near his work zip code area, sent them an IM to start a conversation, then exchange of pics (some x rated), then exchange of phone numbers, then invitations to meet or lunch and then God only knows what else.... till I find what he is doing
Then, We finally moved to our new house.. finally a house of our own. I was so happy decorating and gardening in our new home (I am a housewife now) waiting for him to come back from work , taking off his shoes, bringing him food , giving him back rubs, massages, great sex (sex has always been great between us) He cant deny I treat him like a king.... and then WHAM again... I found a receit of a lunch at a restaurant he has never taken me to. I asked him and he said "Oh that was me and my son the other day"...Later on I found out his son has never been to that restaurant before. I confronted him about it and he admitted me taking a female he met while his company was doing work in the area. (again he denied having sex with the fem)
And now like a month ago... I found he was doing the online, offline meeting thing again... I wasnt even thinking on anything like that when the first hunch feeling arised... I took a peek to his profile and there they were his "buddies" all of them females... My stomach turned upside down, a sick feeling invaded my soul and I called him, and I told him : For the sake of our marriage you better give me all the passwords of your onlines accounts NOW...
First he was hesitant but then he gave me the passwords , good enough for me to find all what I was looking for and more.. and the passwords of the web sites he was subcribed to I got them by clicking on "forget password" and using his main email address to get the mail to set a new pass word. I became an online private investigator! I wanted to know it all! even if knowing it all will cause me more heartache. And I found, I found so many names, phone numbers, emails, conversations he had stupidly saved. Even paid subcriptions to a web site to find "booty calls"...
I printed out everything and put it all in a folder because this time I am not willing to forgive that easy. I confronted him with all what I have found and again he didnt denied his wrong doings, having been flriting and meeting with females during working hours... later that week at night we were watching tv and all of the sudden his cell phone rang...he put it on speaker so I can listen.. a bunch of kids in the other end saying "hello" "whos this"? till one of the little ones said" mommy mommy" and they cut the phone call.. I immediately got suspicious and dialed back. A fem answered the phone and I asked her how she got a hold of my husband cellphone number... She admitted to have met him online and that they had call eachother but "we havent talked in weeks"... she said..
I dont look to find these things, they come to me like if God were wanting me to find them. The more I pray to God for enlightning the more stuff I find. I dont know if God want me to see that he hasnt done anything "mayor" or if God is showing me all this for me to grow balls and divorce him because he is not going to change.
Even when my husband has never denied his wrong doings when confronted, he claims to have never had sex with another woman besides me.(thing I highly doubt unless he takes a polygraph test) That yes, he seeks these females but at the moment he feels things are getting out of hands, he stop. He even confessed to me that he thinks he is not doing anything wrong because he is not having sex with them. BUT when I turn the tables and I ask him if he will put up with me doing the same things.. HE cant even think about it.. He couldnt bear the thought of me doing the same. How conveniently, he can do it, but I cant?? ... I felt like punching his face I swear!
The mixed feelings rollercoaster I go throught everytime this happen in our marriage has been taking a toll on me. I been forgiving him for the longest for the same behavior but this time something is different in me.
I feel He takes me to heaven in his wings filled of love and make me believe love exist , to later let me fall all alone in the most obscure and endless pitfall...
The feeling I cant overcome this time is that I can‘t (or do not want) to trust him again, due to the fear that he will go back to the same behavior once he feels I am OK... I am afraid that if I give him one more chance without taking action to prevent this from happen again , I will end up riding the rollercoaster of emotions that has been damaging my life for the past 17 yrs.
I told him that he will need to seek help from a psycology and marriage counseling if he wants to really show me he is willing to save our marriage. I even suggested for him to take a poligraph test because I still feel he hasnt been totally honest with me. He agree to all, but havent done anything towards it, he is expecting me to make the appointments...
And when I say taking action means , doing something I havent done before...like:
I already made him call his boss to change his working cell number and I feel very very tempted to have a private meeting with his boss (which we know for over 13 yrs) to talk about my husband behavior while he is working. Im pretty sure his boss doesnt pay him the salary he pays him for him to be flirting or cheating on me. I will request copies of his cell phone monthly statement to be mailed to our house every month and permission to install a monitoring software on hubbys computer so I can monitor his activities online. I havent done this yet, because I still weighting the pros and the cons of doing something like this. I know none of this will guarantee me he will stop his flirting ways but making it harder for him is a start.
Should talk to his boss about this? I cant deny I love my husband like I have never loved before but I cant deny his behavior has been killing the love I have for him..