WomanSavers.com Forum / ALL OTHER EUROPEAN COUNTRIES / Ireland

Hello There! I am bubblecropper, the womansaver.com representative for Ireland!

Please feel free to contact me through this thread for help, information, or just a chat!

 Go raibh maith agat agus failte Mna na h‘Eireann!

 Bubble.

Hello Shamrock,

It means: Thank you and welcome women of Ireland.

Bubble.

Hi Bubble!

How is it all going in Ireland? Gosh, I thought there would be more posts. Maybe women just don‘t know about it yet. There are certainly lots of Irish lads here causing mayhem in Australia!

Great question WP...you would think there would be more.

There are lots of reasons why there are not so many Irish women here, but the main cause is this: We were raised to believe that "airing your dirty laundry" is shameful. We were raised to believe that if a man cheats on us, or abuses us that somehow its because WE are not good enough. fear of shame and ridicule keeps irish women away. In fact, you‘d probably find a lot of irish women would laugh at the idea of someone irish posting a scumbag here. But, underneath it all is fear of shame.

I‘ve often been in the company of female friends, gossiping about such-and-such‘s husband who‘s been seen out and about with his secretary. They will hoot with laughter at poor such-and-such‘s ignorance of it all and how "My Micheal" or "My Patrick" would never do such a thing, because "He knows which side his bread is buttered" Irish women like to portray this image that they are in control of their men and woe-betied any man who doesn‘t know his place. Thats all complete BS, the men must be laughing on the other side of their faces!! The gossip-queens who laughed at poor such-and-such‘s cheating husband were too busy ridiculing the stupid WIFE to be bothered thinking about the real issue, that such-and-such‘s HUSBAND is a conniving little a**-hole!!!

Messed-up yes, there are unfortunately a lot of silly ignorant women in Ireland who are willing to walk around with their head in the clouds and put-down everyone elses relationship with their husband/son/brother instead of looking at their own!

But, this is changing, more women are coming out of the woodwork and learning about abuse and cheating and not putting up with it anymore!

Bubble.

Well thank Christ for that! I know about that shame even though I‘m not Irish. I also know an Irish girl who acts just like that - like she wears the pants. Whatever. People need to speak out against abuse. Most of the women I know and Irish girls were supportive of me in my breakup and discovery of his cheating. They were not for me going back to him which is good. I‘ll never forget the words of one Irish girl who said "if he ever calls you you tell him to fock off!" :-)) If only I could be such a "bitch". I chose to be calm and in control though. I‘ve already done the banshee thing.

I got a text from him this morning actually - 2 weeks after the U2 concert. He is not right in the head. He just texts out of the blue whenever HE wants. My next step is to try and delay replying as much as I can. I just don‘t want him to think I‘m a pushover. Anyway, I‘ve moved on and he obviously hasn‘t. Sucked in!

WP of course you have moved on...because you have gone through it...you have spent all your time since the break-up going through a lot of change, facing up to your feelings, getting angry, getting depressed getting down, you can‘t help it, you are unable to deny your feelings and block stuff out (Thankfully!) therefore you will always be able to move on from such situations AND be stronger because of them AND learn something about yourself from them.

HE will NEVER move on...HE has never moved on from ANYTHING in his life...you CAN‘T move on by just blocking stuff out...thats called being in denial. HE is probably dealing with a life-time worth of guilt, some of it probably misplaced, but a lot of it would be real genuine guilt for the way he has hurt you...but he will NEVER face up to that, it will follow him around along with everything else he‘s blocked out for the rest of his life, I KNOW people in their 70‘s and 80‘s in ireland who‘ve lived a miserable cold unhappy life in denial, because of perhaps something quite small which may have happened earlier in their life. Its sad and depressing.

I know of one man who stopped speaking to his son years ago because his son married a jewish lady. The son and his wife are now in their 50‘s and have grown up children. The man lived his whole life not speaking to his son or seeing his family at all. On his death-bed he told the son he really regretted it. When I heard that I was like...could you not have saved yourself a whole lot of misery and loneliness by just saying that 20 years earlier????? But no, he chose instead to live in the shadow of it and put his son through the torture of it for twenty-odd years rather than just sort it out. Typical!

Another story...I know a man in his fifties who met a nice woman when he was in his thirties. She was a nice girl but for some reason his parents didn‘t like her, so they broke up. After a few years the woman married another man and had children of her own, but the other man died and she was left widowed with children. The man never met anyone else both his parents died and only after they died did he contact the now widowed woman with tears and regret declaring undying love for her and apologising for breaking her heart when they were younger. The woman now with two teenage children to look after, refused to have anything to do with the man, as she had moved on and didn‘t love him anymore and also saw him for the pathetic little person he was who didn‘t have the courage to make his own decisions while his parents were alive. She said she would never be desperate enough to allow a coward back into her life and turned him away. The man is an old friend of my Dads, who must see out the rest of his life alone because he allowed his parents to control him. The highlight of his week is winning a bet down in the bookies and drinking the winnings down the pub. If he had only had the courage to forge his own path instead of fearing the judgement of a cold old-fashioned mother and father he may have been happily married to the lady with children of his own.

Fate? NO! You plough your own field, you make your own bed!

Bubble.

Sad.

Hey Bubble!

Thanks for the great post! Yeah, in truth I‘m STILL working through it but I‘m 99% of the way there...some days I fall back to what feels like 75% or worse if you know what I mean. Still, I‘ve come a long way baby! And what a bumpy ride it‘s been.

Those stories you told me about are really sad. I suppose hindsight is always wiser as the saying goes, isn‘t it? Sometimes I think I bowed down to my parents too much when I was with my ex...but still a lot of it was my own choice. We just weren‘t in the same relationship with the same level of commitment. Yes it sounds like my ex has not moved on from anything in his life. When I think about it, I have moved on because I know that I‘ve no plans to go back to him and be with him anymore even though I do miss him loads at times...I look at how much my life has changed for the better. I‘m a new person - stronger, more individual, more ME, that is, I‘m true to myself. I‘m not going to pretend to be anyone else and that is a wonderful feeling!

I‘m excited at the moment because I‘ve just applied for a small loan and I have plans to buy new furniture and do my place up these holidays. What a different Christmas and Birthday it‘s going to be this year...Oh-so-much better! I‘m resolving not to reply to Ger when he contacts me because it goes nowhere except that it re-traumatises me and keeps me hooked in there. Knowing him, he‘d be showing his mates saying "oh look she‘s been texting me" Who knows. Anyway we are not even friends, just exes.

How are you going with your life and blowout from your ex? I hope you are keeping strong. Hey I‘m going up to gorgeous Byron Bay on 2nd January for some sun and surf. I‘m going with two girlfriends. It will be great! I‘m so excited. Bye now.

PS. I look forward to seeing more posts from Irish women. Even though my ex was a dud I still love your country and the Irish!