He is the way he is. NOTHING can change that, unless he decides to change. YOU can‘t do it for him, you can‘t make him, it just won‘t work.
I had a bf who was similar, but not quite to the extent of yours. He was a Jekyll & Hyde (& also a Gemini). I never knew which twin I was going to get. Days would go by, but not months. It became very tiresome. I wanted someone who would be CONSISTENT. I did find men out that who had the good qualities of ex-bf, without the Jekyll & Hyde bullsh!t.
Also, I don‘t think you can be 100% sure he isn‘t "dipping the wick" somewhere else while he‘s not with you. Some men can compartmentalize their lives & lead a very secret co-existance that no one would suspect. I know my ex-bf Jekyll & Hyde did, because I stumbled upon it on his computer.
The way I see it, you have 2 choices:
1. Stay with him & accept that this is the way he is & that you CANNOT change it. ALLOW HIM TO CONTINUE TO EMOTIONALLY ABUSE YOU. Just continue to deal with it & feel however you feel when he disappears. Go on not knowing exactly what he‘s doing then.....that outta be real comfortable. :(
2. Dump him & free yourself up for someone who has all the good qualities of bf, but who can be consistent & there for you at all times. You deserve that. You will never attract that while you are with J&H.
I‘ve read a lot if books on relationships, men, etc., and most of them indicate there is something WRONG with people (both men & women) who behave as your bf does. Mature, responsible, emotionally available people DO NOT act like that. If there is a problem, they discuss it with their partner, and either resolve it, or end the relationship in a mature way.
If you think you can deal with this little boy push-pull crap, then please continue. If you are tired of it, then do the mature thing. I know I sound kind of bitchy about this, but I have been thru similar sh!t & I feel for you. I want to spare another woman the loss of time, self-esteem & opprtunities. I wish I had left my now ex-bf sooner.
Good luck & be strong!
UB