| AUTHOR |
MESSAGE
|
| brazil |
 |
|
Posted: 3/3/2010 1:38 PM |
 |
Subject: Secret Bank Accounts |
|
|
|
WomanSaver Lurker
Female Member
Age: 30
Total Posts: 10
florida
Florida
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
 Send Note
|
Ladies,
Found deposit slips with partial account numbers for several bank accounts that I knew nothing about. Since he‘s in business and some appear to be business accounts, I‘m trying not to jump the gun. It is like waiting in the place between heaven and hell, purgatory!
I‘m ticked off, you wouldn‘t believe how badly,mostly at myself because this is just part of what I‘m finding. Everything so far is still inconclusive. All I know up to this point is that I have a guy who is very secretive and good at covering his tracks. He‘ll never answer a question directly. And of course, that I am the stupid woman who believed some privacy in marriage is important!
As a matter of fact, I believe strongly in personal privacy so much that it has taken me years to begin prying.
My name is not on these accounts so I could only get the very basic information. I believe that a money trail tells just about everything so I want to know what he is doing with it. Any suggestion? Asking him is not an option. He‘s an Olympic Liar.
Somehow he‘ll turn it around so that he‘s the victim and I am the nagging, insecure wifey.
|
| shally |
|
|
Posted: 3/4/2010 1:24 PM |
|
Subject: Secret Bank Accounts |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 3
.gif)
Total Posts: 2420
sitting pretty on
Isle of Man
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
I think it‘s time to make copies of everything and see a lawyer.
Living with a man you don‘t trust must be hell.
Ya know if he is denying everything and trying to change your reality as you see things check out this - Gaslighting, google it. It is a cruel and sick game that some men play, and women too.
Just makes me think this is what he is doing to you.
|
| shally |
|
|
Posted: 3/4/2010 2:18 PM |
|
Subject: Secret Bank Accounts |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 3
Total Posts: 2420
sitting pretty on
Isle of Man
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
Dr. Robin Stern is an expert on the subject of Gaslighting. She has written two really great articles about it on Psychology Today.
Here is the first article ~
Identify "The Gaslight Effect" and take back your reality ! | Psychology Today
Here is an excerpt of the second ~
How do you know if you are being gaslighted? If any of the following
warning signs ring true, you may be dancing the Gaslight Tango. Take
care of yourself by taking another look at your relationship, talking
to a trusted friend; and, begin to think about changing the dynamic of
your relationship . Here are the signs:
1. You are constantly second-guessing yourself
2. You ask yourself, "Am I too sensitive?" a dozen times a day.
3. You often feel confused and even crazy at work.
4. You‘re always apologizing to your mother, father, boyfriend,, boss.
5. You can‘t understand why, with so many apparently good things in your life, you aren‘t happier.
6. You frequently make excuses for your partner‘s behavior to friends and family.
7. You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don‘t have to explain or make excuses.
8. You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself.
9. You start lying to avoid the put downs and reality twists.
10. You have trouble making simple decisions.
11. You have the sense that you used to be a very different person - more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed.
12. You feel hopeless and joyless.
13. You feel as though you can‘t do anything right.
14. You wonder if you are a "good enough" girlfriend/ wife/employee/ friend; daughter.
15. You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don‘t have to explain or make excuses.
You can read it in its entirety at ~
Are you being Gaslighted? | Psychology Today
Hope this helps! 
|
| brazil |
|
|
Posted: 3/4/2010 9:13 PM |
|
Subject: Secret Bank Accounts |
|
|
|
WomanSaver Lurker
Female Member
Age: 30
Total Posts: 10
florida
Florida
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
Shally,
What made you so wise? Matter of fact, saw the movie years ago, it made me shiver, still does. Reading the suggested blog was also frightening. But necessary. Thanks girlfriend.
I‘ve some thinkin‘ to do, praying too. Guess, I could be looking at this the wrong way. Don‘t want to miss out on life or happiness.
|
| shelbelle |
|
|
Posted: 3/5/2010 7:22 AM |
|
Subject: Secret Bank Accounts |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 23
Total Posts: 1391
lalaland
North Carolina
United States
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
the bank thing and the computer thing just dont sound good at all. since you are suspicious then some of the trust you had in him has started to go away because of the questions you have. could you talk to your husband about the bank accounts to see what he says?
|
| shally |
|
|
Posted: 3/6/2010 2:54 PM |
|
Subject: Secret Bank Accounts |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 3
Total Posts: 2420
sitting pretty on
Isle of Man
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
| brazil wrote: | | Shally, What made you so wise? Matter of fact, saw the movie years ago, it made me shiver, still does. Reading the suggested blog was also frightening. But necessary. Thanks girlfriend. I‘ve some thinkin‘ to do, praying too. Guess, I could be looking at this the wrong way. Don‘t want to miss out on life or happiness. |
Ever hear the song, Both Sides Now, by Joni Michell?
I believe wisdom comes with knowledge and knowledge is power.
Also wisdom comes with age... .So, we‘ll skip that one! mkay? 
You are so right - the one thing you DON"T want to do is miss out on life. It is too precious and gone in an instant.
Freedom is what you‘re after - not so much am I talking about literally but freedom inside. This crap has you locked in chains. But then again freedom inside and out. I say it many times because I truly believe it - a woman rightly deserves to be loved, adored and respected. And a man that can‘t or won‘t give you those things just isn‘t worth sharing your life with.
Wouldn‘t it feel wonderful to be at peace in your heart mind and soul.
I‘ll pray right along with you. That still quiet voice within will never lie to you. Your instincts are a gift from God. Use them.
|
| shally |
|
|
Posted: 3/13/2010 1:26 PM |
|
Subject: Secret Bank Accounts |
|
|
|
WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 3
Total Posts: 2420
sitting pretty on
Isle of Man
offline
Invite To Chat Room
Send Note
|
brazil, check in please. I want to know how you‘re doing. 
|