WomanSavers.com Forum / CATCH A CHEATER / Go or stay?

I have known about my husband‘s last affair for almost 3 years. It does get better, but I have come to realize it will never go away. I have learned to deal with it in my own way. I am only able to deal with the reconciliation at all because he is trying very hard to change and be honest. If that never materialized, it would have been no question that I would kicked him to the curb. If that changes, we‘re done.

I also found out about one from 7 years prior to the last when the last one came out. He admitted it. That was pretty difficult since it showed a pattern of behavior. He has  gone to therapy to work on that behavior issue.

What I have found out from all of that was that he was the one who was culpable. It had nothing to do with me. Contrary to what some professional whores on this site have said lately, there was nothing I did or did not do that made him sin. Yes, sin. He broke a vow to me. I think if everyone would just stop calling it anything other than that, perhaps it would seem more serious to those committing the sin. Maybe they would think twice about doing it. Of course, not everyone has a faith-based outlook, so this will not work for all. A whore is not a girlfriend. A mistress is not a girlfriend. Girlfriends are what men, and maybe women, have before they are married. After that, a whore is a whore. A sin is a sin.

There was a day when I really had to decide for myself if having him in my life as a husband would be better than having him out of it as a husband. Since we have children, there would always be some way he would be in my life. The decision is yours and yours alone. I sought counseling from professionals, including my faith-based ones. In the end, though, the decision is yours. Can you live with the knowledge and get past it while working through the pain? I‘m not talking about forgiveness, here. That takes an awfully long time and it has to be earned. What I am talking about is your sanity. Your health and well-being may be at stake. All of this really depends on you.

The first person I contacted was my mother. You know, they are whom many of us would go to first with a problem. She did not tell me one way or the other. She told me I needed to do what was best for me. My children were a consideration, but certainly not the whole focus. Good luck with your decision and know that there are many nice women, and men, who have been in your shoes and are on this site if you need to talk.

Ignore the whores.

i always say: your feelings are not facts.

you seem to want to just go ahead and separate and i think it‘s because you are certain he will do it again, and equally certain, it‘s gonna hurt like hell.

so you figure, just get it over with now so you can skip living in fear?

i‘d say, and only because you‘ve loved him most of your life, give him one final chance.

and in the meantime, find all the money and spruce yourself up, just in case.