WomanSavers.com Forum / CATCH A CHEATER / Internet drama

 I am married to a super secretive guy who is also super shady, keeps cell close to him at all time, laptop remains in his car etc. I‘ve also found stip club receipts in his car and escort magazines in his overnight case. Since he owns his own business, he always has an excuse or answer for everything. He is so secretive and also lies or just plain out keeps things from me.

Not sure if it is a wierd character problem of if something is going on. Recently, I found out he is paying for two aol accounts. I need to know the truth but I don‘t know if I will get it from him. How can I find out what his other screen names might be or how can I get any information about this. I am not very internet savvy. Why would anyone pay for two accounts anyway. Any help would be appreciated. I just need to know the truth.

Sorry I don‘t have any input into how to get email and phone records.  I‘m not internet savvy either.  I just wanted to say that what you‘ve found so far, strip club receipts, escort mags, would be enough for me to go and/or boot him.   Who needs a husband who keeps secrets and tells lies? 

A few years ago I would have thought it would be easy to kick a guy to the curb. I know this sounds wierd but my shady husband  is a good and generous dad, a generally nice and dependable, churchgoing person that I fell in love with after the second date. I still love this guy. I‘m a crappy romantic, I  know, I know, I‘m old fashioned.

I‘ve turned to my family and they think I should just shut up and put up but I can‘t anymore. It‘s eating me up wondering and worrying about what he could be doing. I‘m so tired of speculating, I just need to get some facts.

Maybe if I knew more I could make more informed decisions, as it is, sometimes I wonder if I am in love with only a picture of a man. You internet savvy chics out there, HELP!!!

put up and shut up??? Wow  nice family.

Get to the bottem of this!  Find out what is going on.

Being a good dad and being a good husband are two different things. 

AOL is free,  why pay for either account.

do an search on AOL members with his name and see if you can get the email address.  Then do a search and find out what sites he is a member of with that email address.

I am not fan of people in either gender being too secretivl, specially husband or boyfriends, usually there is more deep dark dirt that they do hide.In your case, he is your husband and he had no rigths tobe secretive at all.

I have been there with my last Ex, and didnt pay attention until i found that he was all over the dating sites, porn sites, and chat rooms every given minute and he did hide it as long as he did, I found out and I was gone.

In your case, even he is good dad and  he  has some good qualities but that does not give him right to hide things from you whatever they migth be.

here are some web sites that can check to find where he is on the net. www. wink.com , www. spock.com and www. pipl .com, please be careful paying money for some shady websites which claims to find info for you.

good luck

peace

summer

There is no question that your husband is up to no good.

The fact that he‘s keeping secrets from you and withholding information is the first clue.  The second is the two e-mail accounts, and being paranoid about you seeing the Internet activity.  There is too much "evidence" for this to be innocent.

I think if you confront him, he‘s just going to lie to you.  I would get the keylogger on the computer and get to the bottom of it.

I think your intuition is screaming at you, and that you already know the truth.  But if you really must have "proof" be prepared that you might not like what you are faced with.

Assuming the worst is happening, I would come up with a Plan B.  I‘d be opening a bank account in my name, renting my own post office box, selling anything that wasn‘t tied down, doing some "pre-spring cleaning" and getting rid of old clothes, old household possessions, and would be siphoning money off the top of his paychecks to build a nest egg.  And for good measure, I‘d open the phone book to the Yellow Pages, and leave it out in the open where it‘s marked "Attorneys."  He‘d be crapping his pants in no time, LOL!

And while I was at it, I‘d get 2-3 free consultations from legal counsel just to see what I‘d be faced with in a divorce.  That doesn‘t mean you actually have to file - just helps to know what your options are. 

I‘m sorry this is happening to you, and I don‘t mean to make light of your grief and distress.  But I insist that you empower yourself - for your own peace of mind and self respect.  Don‘t let him make a fool of you. 

Thanks so much ladies. You words are like a nice warm breeze when everything seems so nasty. Its nice to know that you guys are there for me. I‘m doing every thing I can to prepare myself mentally and physically. When I‘ve sorted this through, I hope I can be there for you all.

Mofo, I am working on a computer angle but I haven‘t grown the gump to do the cell phone thing. But really appreciate your advice. Can‘t be too detailed because I‘m not sure if he is monitoring my computer!!! He checks my gas mileage, goes through the trash to keep tabs on me. I‘ve even caught him going through my purse . There‘s always an excuse but I‘ve put a stop to that.

The mystery just gets deeper. I‘ve discovered hidden monies all over the damn place! I want to proceed but friends keep warning me to be careful he might hurt me and make it look like an accident, you know, like some of those recent psycho stories you read about on the news. He has the money and the smarts to manipulate people. God help me, sometimes I wonder who I‘m married to. He‘s so charming, convincing and lying! It gives me the creeps. And that I couldn‘t see it clearly in the beginning! God, how stupid or blind or just plain ignorant I‘ve been. In the beginning,I was  wined, dined and romanced so wonderfully. It began like a fairytale and now it is a nightmare!

He‘s never been violent and as far as I know, he doesn‘t have a history but I have an infant and these warnings freak me out. I‘ve been agonizing about whether to proceed. But I just need to know what the dickens is going on.

Anyway, do keyloggers log things from the past or just whatever is done after the keylogger has been installed? He‘s devilishly intelligent and pretty computer savvy. For now, I‘d like to be as discrete as possible.

Big hugs, lots of love

Hello Brazil,

I am sorry to hear that you are but another that has had to go thru somthing like this.  I too experienced the anxiety that goes along with the suspicion and it has taken it‘s toll on my family, my business and my health.  I learned a few tricks while trying to find the truth and I would like to share a few with you in hopes that it may help you.

First I would take Shallys advice and get your hands on a keylogger.  If you can get this installed on his laptop then you will be able to find out all you need to know.

2nd you do not need to to get the cell phone to get the records.  Sure would make it easy, but if he is playing and he is sharp he has already cleared the call log.  However, he cannot clear the log from the provider.  Let‘s say he used Verizon.  Log onto to Verizon and try to register an account for his phone.  If it goes thru, make up a password that he will not get a hold of and you will now have access to all his calls records.  You won‘t know what was said, but you will find out who he called, when, phone number, duration of call etc., etc.  If has already registered you will have to try to login and use his password.  If you preservere you can figure it out.  Try birthdates, SS#, addresses, initials, names of uncles or aunts, or favorite dog, ancd combination of all the above.

3rd, check out the GPS tracker systems.  I installed one in my wifes car and it enabled me to see where the car goes on the computer in real time.  The one I use actually has options to set zones that if the car enters the zone, it will send me a text message.  Today they have the option to blow the horn on the car, lock the doors, disable the ignition, etc., etc.  from my computer at home.  I have to pay a monthly fee but it is worth the money if it drives you nuts every time the car leaves the driveway.

There are also small GPS sticks that will record where the car goes.  This device runs on batteries and attaches to the computer when you are ready to retrieve the information.  You cannot see where the car goes in real time, but at the end of a week you can get a detail report on where the vehicle went.  It is important to place this device in the car where there is not any metal between the device and the sky.  Dashboard works well if you can hide it under the seam between the glass and the dash.  This way it sees thru the window and will work fine.

I can‘t help you much with AOL, I am not familiar with it.  But with the computer there are a number of things you can do primarily the keylogger, but also with email.  If he has two email accts, you might register with AOL and find out what is required to setup an acct.  Make notes of all the questions they ask when you register.  Then try to figure out what he may have used to register his accts.  If you can figure this out then you can look from any computer and see what emails he has sent and recieved.  You can also set rules from within the acct.  If you know of a person and have the email address you can set a rule that says if ***** is received then forward it to YOUR ADDRESS.  I tapped into my wifes email at work and did just this.  Caught her after 4 months of lieing and denial.

With all of this said, I would surely get yourselves a marriage counselor.  It is hard to lie when you are sitting in front a professional.  Also the facts that come out while in the sessions may make him realize why he got married in the first place.  If the marriage is worth saving then this is the right thing to do.

I also recommend church.  This is not something that one can or should push on anybody, you need to decide for yourself.  But I found it gave me some peace and reassurance that what I was doing was the right thing.

And definitely get to the DR.  Have blood work done.  I was already going when I finally got the truth and discovered 18 months later that she had given me HPV and Herpes.  Catch it at an early stage.

I really hope for your sake that he is not fooling around but perhaps thinking about it or acting like a player around the guys.  What you do when you find out is up to you.  I have 2 daughters that I want to see thru college and because I truly do love my wife and believe that one can make a mistake and be sorry and make good on what they have done, I decided to stay with her.  The most difficult 3 years of my life.  I still think of it everyday but find it gets easier as time goes by.

Oh daughter No. one a sophmore at univ. made deans list and daughter No. two has been accepted to her 1st and 2nd choice of universities that she will attend next year.

Good luck to you and don‘t hestiate to send a PM if you think I could help you.

Oh and one more thing, there are alot of women here who have been thru this so you are in the right place.  Stick with them and they will become your very good friends.  Why did I come here?  I don‘t know, I was lost, wandering aimlessly, acting, speaking, posting crazy.  I never went on a forum B4 but I was seeking all the help I could find from any source available.  This place will help you a bunch since it is for women.

Chin up OK? 

Shally, thanks so much! Brilliant!  I hadn‘t thought about the hard drive. And Uncle Don, thanks for the phone tip. I tried it once before but the company sent an email alerting him of the attempted registration of his account. But this is a good idea as a last resort. And the aol account thing, great. Boy, the make us go to such lengths!

I‘ve gotten tested before for STD‘S and I am okay but it is a real concern. I think everyone with enough suspicions  to be reading this post may do well to insist on condoms. Some women develop allergies to birth control. This is a valid excuse.  And as for the oral part, they should say they have TMJ and just have the uncontrollable urge to bite down really hard. This will stop all argument. Fast! If they don‘t believe, give ‘em a complimentary demo. You‘ll relieve some stress and get a really good laugh.Kidding of course.

Uncle Don, I can feel the pain that you‘ve gone through, are to some extent still going through. I can‘t imagine its easy but seeing your thriving children must be a balm to your soul. I know the strength that spirituality brings and the power of forgiveness. I think that the worst part of adultery is not the affair itself but the lies. I can‘t figure out why I‘m here today. That trust we work so hard build is destroyed and then has to be rebuilt.

You have been so enterprising in getting to the bottom of things. I commend you. We‘ve been to a marriage counselor but he shows this facade to them too. Nobody gets under that carefully put together image. This man lies to my face and knows that he is lying to my face, knows I know it too, but does it so convincingly.

Thanks guys. Humor helps. More off color, the better. I‘ve been praying and reaching deep down to find strength and the courage to be there for my baby and myself. I think inside of us is this really powerful center. Every now and then, I tap into it.

 Right now, I have enough information to know that I‘ve been lied to, badly! about little things and big things.  And I swallowed the lies I guess because either I‘m really trusing or just wanting to believe in the fairytale.

I realize that I‘ve spent so much time looking for excuses for his lies, wanting so badly to be wrong. So deceptive and manipulative! I‘m proceeding slowly and uncovering a lot, more than I expected to so soon.

I‘m heeding wise advice. Anyone looking, know you‘ll find it, whatever it is. Be patient, be cautious, post here since so many of you have given PRICELESS guidance. 

The truth hurts, but the lies hurt more