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MESSAGE
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| mocca2010 |
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Posted: 1/7/2010 5:33 PM |
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Subject: Is he cheating or depressed |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 25
Total Posts: 3
new york
New York
United States
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Let me just first say THANK YOU to everyone who listens and gives advice to my story as I‘m very confused and unsure of my next move. So, grab a cup of coffee...glass of wine as I have the bottle in front of me and please help me untangled the web we weaved.
Me and my spouse have been together for the last 7 years and this year in June, if we make it, will make six years of marriage. I‘m 25 yrs old and I actually got married when I was 19 and he was 20 so this could be the reason why I‘m thinking he is creeping around trying to test the waters. But in any event, here‘s my story...
When me and my husband got together, everything was pretty much ok. He was in the military, I was in school and I believed he loved me more than life itself. We talked and laugh and like i said before...everything was ok. After my husband did his first tour in Afghanistan...he came back different. He wasn‘t the happy, spontaneous man that I married but I chalked it up to his experiences at war. I first had a curiosity to check his email after he came from his second tour which was to Iraq. I don‘t know why, but I just wanted to know if this guy was a perfect as he perclaimed as he wouldn‘t even say certain actresses were attracted when I asked. In any event, I did check his email and nonetheless, I found numerous email to ex girl friends and new girls proclaiming how he still loved and a few other inappropriate things like "scratching someones itch"
Devestated, I confronted him and we decided to work it out. So when I caught him again doing something like this with another girl in upstate NY a year or so later, I was hurt but defiantly wasn‘t surprised. Now, I‘m no angel myself...his emotional infidelities has resulted in me not trusting him and refusing to allow him to do what he wanted and me not as well. So he has caught some inappropriate text from men to me and my responses to them, but in the end...to be honest it was just retaliation. After talking, again we decided to put this behind us with my suggestion of counseling, and just work through it. (We never got around to the counseling)
Since then though, the trust is out the window. He says he‘s been faithful but I have some proof that he has talking to girls since. Now, he locks his phone....guards his passwords and erases every email. I know he is talking to other girls but how far is he going,meaning sex, I don‘t know. Recently, and I say recently referring to the last year, he has slowly but surly started to become more distant from me. We don‘t talk, he‘s irritable and truly not interested in anything I do or even being with me. Looking at our cell phone bill, he‘s texting particular numbers numerous times a day and having half hour conversations were I can barely get ten minutes of his time.
I expressed to him that I missed him and loved him...but I felt like we were on different pages yesterday. My heart dropped when he not only said he felt the same way but even thought about a separation. We agreed to talk last night and when we did he basically said that he was the one with the problem. He knows he‘s been irratiable and has been snappy with me and that‘s why he suggested the separation so I didn‘t have to deal with it. With that I left my bed, home and husband to give him space.
So what‘s the problem right???? Well here‘s where the confusion is coming into play. Everything that he said to me suggest that he is suffering from depression possibly. All the headaches he gets, the irritability and aggressiveness..the lack of interest in anything that isn‘t the gym since he‘s a freaking jock at heart.
But my woman‘s intuition is saying that he is testing the waters. My husband is attractive with a great body, no children and college educated. To many woman that‘s a dream and him having a wife is any easy objective they can surpass. Plus he can lie as beautiful and smoothly a Persian rug. I want to believe and trust him...I want to think he is depressed so we can work it through but I fear this is the beginning of the end. I‘m young, but I‘ll be starting over without him and I‘m not sure I can. Based on what I said, just let me know your thoughts about what you think may or may not be going on. It‘s stupid but maybe it‘s me due to my weight gain...I did pack on about 80 lbs. Maybe it was the sex....we did go from 4 times a day to 4 times a month. Maybe he really needs help and space. I don‘t know, but I love him and torn on whether I should move on or not. There‘s so much more to say, but my fingers are hurting.. so if you have any questions that you want to have to give you better insight on us and what his actions maybe clues to...please ask them. Thanks
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