WomanSavers.com Forum / CATCH A CHEATER / Every wifes nightmare, can someone help me?

Wow how did you have three children in three years? Well as long as you have confirmed the pregnancy (which could be b.s), her condition, and the paternity of the babies, I would suggest that you, not Mr. Wonderful, go with her to these appointments.

It is very simple.  She will never see him again.  He will be there for his children and you will be there for her, and here‘s why:

Many mistresses who know about the wife prior to starting a relationship with the man will try and convince you that they are allll alone in the world and that they "need" him more than you do.  If she really does need help, she will accept it, from YOU.  If she just wants an excuse to spend more time with the Man of the Century, she isn‘t getting it.

If he is serious about staying with you, he will pay the child support, visit the babies, and accept the fact that you will be attending lamaze classes, you will be at the doctors appointments, and you will be picking up and dropping off the kids.

If you have moved this girl in, you need to move her out.  If you want to avoid feeling bad, find her a place to live and help her get it furnished.  Because she is NOT going to have any contact with your husband again.

And if he isn‘t worth all this trouble, and you‘re not willing to let him hang around her all the time while trying to convince yourself he isn‘t sleeping with her, you have one option left, and that is to leave.  Sometimes the worst thing you can do to a cheater is force him to stay with the woman he never intended to leave you for.

I wouldn‘t trust this woman at all, because you didn‘t know about her but she knewabout you.  He even pointed out that he had asked her to lie for him, and now she only told you the truth when she thought she had some leverage she could manipulate him (and you) with.

So give her the deal above.  If she says yes, you know she really needed the help and deserves it.  If she says no, only he can help her, she doesn‘t need the help at all. Either way, there‘s no guilt on your side: you simply offered her help and she refused to take it.

Lady Rogue,

I cannot see how any of this should put guilt on you.  It is time to separate yourself from the situation.

Fostec is right. on the fact that you should make your husband stay with this girl. He made his bed, now he can lie in it. It‘s too complicated to start playing with this mind game stuff...Who cares?  I will give you the best advice that I know of:

File for divorce NOW.  File for child support immediately.  Yes, you will get shafted if she has the baby or babies (if she is telling the truth) before you and files for child support.  The reason for this is because the first one who files gets the  majority of the child support.  It doesn‘t matter that you were married to him...only who filed for support first.

I have a friend who‘s husband cheated on her and got his mistress pregnant.  She let her husband stay.  He cheated on her with someone else.  So she then divorced him, only to find out that because the other woman had filed for child support first, she got shafted.  Her kids go without, meanwhile the hussies kid gets the support.

I think that is what this girl is aiming for.  She wants it all.  Just leave him.  What good could possibly come out of all this?  What can your own kids possibly learn from this?  Ugh! 

It‘s time to move on, his insanity is causing yours.

Here is my advice:

When you say "mentally disabled" do you mean that he has intellectual challenges (Low IQ, trouble doing thing for himself) or mental health issues like Depression or Antisocial Disorder? This is an important distiction because it would make a big difference in handling this situation. 

For purposes of replying, I will assume that he has some kind of mental illness (maybe bipolar disorder or antisocial/narcissistic personality disorder for instance) rather than developmental disabilities or some other organic issue. 

First off, if you have 3 children of your own, they are yours (and your husband‘s) first responsibility.  Absolutely refuse to let her into your lives, and tell your husband that seeing her will result in you divorcing him.  He can pay child support/see kids on his own WITHOUT seeing the mother. You say that you care about children?  Bringing her and her upcoming child into your lives will only harm YOUR kids.  She didn‘t care about ruining your children‘s lives by getting pregnant by YOUR husband. As for any kind of help she needs, tell her to call a counselor, a nurse, a welfare worker, anyone but you and your husband. If you want to stay married, you need to demand a cut off of all contact with the other woman. Anything less than that will probably result in him leaving you anyway unless you still agree to support the both of them financially, then they will just mooch off of you.

Second of all, if he is healthy enough to carry on a sordid affair while you are busting your butt making the income and caring for the kids, why the HELL keep doing that?  He is obviously not incapable of human relations, how about a nice job at Taco Time (he could do this even with IQ issues!)?  What a loser!!!

Thirdly, if you are done having kids, I would seriously consider getting him neutered (vasectomy).  If he can‘t keep it in his pants, you need to deactivate it. 

Fourth, make sure you get tested for STDs if you are still intimate with him. If you are ever intimate with him in the future, demand he use protection (condoms, heavy duty and maybe a female condom too).  Even then you can still get over 100 different strains of hpv.  So not worth the risk of death.

Finally, please consider just leaving this loser.  Do NOT agree to be responsible for him or his whore/whore‘s kids in any way, shape or form.  You were not there when those babies were conceived, so you have NO responsibility to provide for them.  It may sound harsh, but this woman‘s children are her responsibility, not yours.  If she gets sick/dies there is always her family or foster care.  You sounds like a very nurturing, caring person, but you have to think of your children.  And these other children taking up your time is NOT in the best interests of your children.

You‘re right, this is a nightmare! Good luck, and wow all I can do is send prayers and positive thoughts. 

I can‘t decide if you are a better person then me for worrying about the child  or if you are in denial.

There is no way in HELL  that I would allow my Husband to be there for her!  Screw that!! She knew he was married,  she made her bed she can lay in it alone. But then again,  I would let her have him!  No way would I stay with him!  I could never forgive him,  I would also be afraid that I would resent his " love children"  so for the childs sake  he would be out the door!!

You are supporting a liar and a cheater, now are you going to support her 2 children!  Oh and the baby fever  you will get over,  I think its something we all go thru! 

haha, just wait till she finds out he‘s got no money and she and her kid are 5th and 6th in the line.

get a lawyer and file for support.

Thank goodness for that, but oh my gosh, Lady Rogue,  My heart breaks for you still.

I‘m going to sum up your story the way I see it.  He‘s cheating.  You know it.  He denies it not only emphatically, but threateningly (i.e, we‘re done if you don‘t shut up).  Here come the people with the news.  He STILL denies it.  Tramp shows up with all the info you asked him for in the first place.   She showed up because she wanted you to know for sure about her and even after all her bitching to him about it, he wasn‘t telling you.  So, in essence, you were both "asking" him to spill the beans to each other.  He wouldn‘t do it for either of you.   

FINALLY, he confesses.  Just to make sure you really think he‘s being completely honest with you about EVERYTHING there is or ever was to know about, (because he remembers how emphatic he was before), he admits to another affair.   

Fast forward...now she‘s in your face telling you she‘s pregnant with twins, dying and needs your husband‘s help.  Well, she didn‘t get you to leave your husband the first go-around (showing up at your house), so what‘s a tramp to do but to make up a horrific story like that.   Did he go to "help" her by himself or did you go too?

The points I‘m getting to are these:  You seem like a fabulously kind and loving person.  These two have drug your heart, mind and feelings through the mud.  Good grief, the countless lies you were told by both.   When "we" are very kind like you are, it really is taken by some for a weakness.  I sugguest, if you are thinking of counseling still, that you get it just for yourself, too, just to learn your boundaries.  

I‘ll stop now.  Sorry.  When I read your post, I was so utterly disgusted with your husband and I don‘t even know the guy, except to say that my ex was a cheat too.  I guess that‘s why I think I see right through your husband.  His reactions and words were much the same as your husband‘s.  

All the best to you, Lady Rogue.  I feel for you.   

I would file for divorce, file for child support, and if I was out of a job, I‘d hit him up for alimony besides.

I would leave him to clean up this mess all by himself.  I would start a new life.  Let go of this loser and move on.

I am sorry for your sadness and depression.  I think you‘ve been treated like crap in this whole ordeal.  Let it go, and let him go.  It is not going to get better.

To stay with him will only eat you alive with rage resentment and depression - every day of your life - and he doesn‘t deserve you.  He isn‘t worth it.  You will grow to resent the babies, even though it isn‘t their fault.  You know that you cannot trust him.  I would throw him out like yesterday‘s trash.