WomanSavers.com Forum / CATCH A CHEATER / What to do...

Where to begin...I have been with my fiance for almost five years and we are suppose to get married in may.  In the last 3 years I have caught him on dating websites, dating phone lines, etc.  At first when I confronted him he would deny it and get mad at me, like how could I think that of him, blah blah blah.  Then when I found more concrete evidence he owned up to it, but said he wasn‘t actually talking to anyone.  With the websites he said he liked to just look at the pics, and the phone lines he just liked to listen.  I told him I was going to leave and he agreed to stop.  He hasn‘t been on any websites or phone lines, cuz I check regularly.  But this last spring I found out that he was texting a women that used to come out to his band.  I found this out cuz I found a half naked pic of her in his text messages.  He said they were just friends and he didn‘t know that it would bother me and that he would stop.  He did, he doesn‘t text here anymore.  But about a month ago I found out that he was texting a women at his work.  He had her listed in his phone book under his boss‘s name and for three straight months he would come home every day and complain about how his boss just wouldn‘t quit texting him, how it was driving him crazy.  He told me this because he knows that I check our phone records.  I thought this was weird, but gave him the benefit of the doubt.  He always deleted all messages before he came home, so I couldn‘t really check.  Until a month ago when he forgot to delete his messages and I saw messages between him and his "boss" that were joking about being naked and having a quickie.  Well, obviously I knew.  I looked up the phone number and found out it was a woman at his work who is married!!  I totally freaked out and packed my bags, and my kids bags.  He talked me into staying, but I am totally freaking out still.  He says he never slept with her, that he has never cheated on me in that way, but I feel like a fool if I believe him!  About a week or so before I found out about this other woman, I was doing laundry and found cum stains on the inside of his work pants.  He doesn‘t wear underwear(i know, kinda weird).  I asked him about this, but he told me that he must have pleased himself in the shower or something. I didn‘t really buy this because I think it probably would have washed away in the shower.  I know there is some extra drainage so to speak, after the fact, but I also know that when we have made love and then he takes a shower there is nothing on his pants. I found stuff on his pants again a couple of weeks after finding out about this other woman, but I didn‘t confront him on it.  I‘m not really sure what to think anymore.  I am so confused!  He doesn‘t give me the same bs excuses that a lot of men try to use.  He owned up to the fact that he made a major mistake, and he says he is totally happy in our relationship.  He says he just has a problem, like an addiction, to the attention of women, to the excitment.  He said that it is something that he needs to work on and that he doesn‘t want to lose me or our family.  I have two kids from a previous relationship that he has taken on as his kids, they even call him dad.  The problem I have is that I don‘t really believe that he didn‘t sleep with her, or someone, and of course they work together, so they see each other every day, so that‘s hard for me to deal with.  At first he was ok with the questions that I was asking, but within a few days, like less than a week, he started getting irritated if I brought it up or asked any questions.  So I try not to bring it up, but I still feel like I have questions.  And I don‘t feel like he has been completley honest with me, so that makes me more suspicous.  When I do say something or bring it up, he says things like, "maybe you can‘t get over it", and "I don‘t think you can ever trust me again".  I just don‘t know what to do.  I love him and our life together, I just don‘t know how to move on from this, to heal from it.  Will I ever feel better?  Will I ever stop suspecting him of lying?  It drives me crazy every day.  I just need some advise from people who have gone through this sort of thing before.  As much as I love him, I am having serious doubts about marrying him.  Thanks!

I would soo get one of those semon (SP?) testing kits!  Next stain I would be swiping for evidence!  From what you say I don‘t trust this man either.  I know how deep that hurts to love someone so much and want to beleive what they tell you is the truth, but the fact is they lie, lie, lie to cover their butts!

What would you like to do? really.

You can go ahead and spend your life collecting evidences about his cheating advantures and drive yourself crazy or just cut your lost and move on with your life and be with someone in the future who will respect you and love you honestly. He will not get any better as far as i see from your post.

If i were you, i would just leave him and never give him a other chance.

peace

summer

Sorry to say, but this situation does not sound good at all.  If it were me, I would certainly NOT marry this guy.  He‘s a repeat offender, to say the least.   I don‘t care what he SAYS.  His ACTIONS speak volumes.  None of this behavior will stop once you are married.  He‘s been lying to you for a loooong time. 

His saying that "I don‘t think you‘ll ever trust me again"  and "maybe you can‘t get over it" is just a manipulative way to turn what he‘s doing onto you, thus making you feel like you have a problem.  You don‘t.  He certainly does.

If it were me, I‘d be packed up and out, or have him packed and out.

honesty breeds trust.

as long as he keeps lie-ing to you you will never be able to trust him. Your life will be missrable.

But if you understand the male brain about sex and can handle the truth and if he is man enough to tell you the truth

Then you can create an open an honest relationship and trust again.

He will not ever stop chaseing other women or haveing sex with other women but if he can be honest about it and you can except it

other wise end it