WomanSavers.com Forum / CATCH A CHEATER / Help please

Listen to your gut.  It is never wrong.  If you want to find out if he is cheating, asking him questions is not the way because he will lie and tell you, you are crazy and turn the blame on you.  Quit asking and try to be your normal self and pay attention to his actions.  Give him enough rope and he will hang himself.

There are many things to you can do, such as check phone records, a keylogger on the computer, voice activated recorder in his car.  Then there is always the private investigator.  Prepare yourself for what you may discover and make sure you are ready to handle what you believe he may be doing.  It is going to hurt if he is cheating, even if you suspected.

I agree with Californiagirl about giving him enough rope..

Try to relax and live your life and remember if something does happen, you deserve better!!

I know how you feel...Be careful to jump to too many conclusions. And if you need to find out weigh your options...you know what your gut is telling you. DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO FOR YOURSELF.

What about one of those semen kits? 

If my man changed his shorts every time he farted I‘d be doing laundry round the clock!! 

If you are not checking phone records and have not used a keylogger or a voice recorder, what exactly are you doing to wear yourself out trying to catch him? What avenues do you suspect he is using to cheat? More information would be helpful. What makes you suspect besides being disinterested in sex with you?

Changing his shorts does not sound good, but he could have just been uncomfortable in them. Does he carry cologne in his car or keep a stash of breath refreshers such as gum or mints?

Go with your instinct. It is rarely wrong. You have accused him, but have you plainly asked him? How is the communication in the marriage? Is it possible that there are just intimacy problems and distance without an affair? If so, working on that requires work and the input of two rational adults. I would stop the accusations and return to normal, whatever that is, while you are monitoring him. That will let him think the heat is off. He will probably slip up if he is indeed cheating. 

I disagree with the "shower with affection like the first years of your marriage" comment by another poster. If he is being mean or abusive in any way, you certainly do not want to reward him for it and put forth the notion that behavior such as that gets a response that will leave you kissing his ass. That‘s unhealthy, co-dependent behavior. Also, if he is cheating, you will feel worse if you find that out after showering him with affection and going ga ga over him while he was doing it. I also resent that the male poster phrased his comments that way, because that is not the only time men are showered with affection during a marriage. But then again, that comment came from a man.......

how long have you been accusing him of cheating? what are the things that have happened over the years that have made you think this? make a list of them on here if you can, even if they sound mad to you.  i think you will find that you are feeling this for a reason, and he should (if innocent) be working his butt off to convince you that you are wrong, not get aggressive and attack your sanity.  From my experience, that alone makes him sound guilty.

My ex husband told me i was mad, going nuts and that i need a psychiatrist after i found a used condom in our bed (we didnt use them) he said the cat must have brought it in and left it there.  It was clearly used, he grabbed it, turned it inside out and wiped it clean then shoved it in my face and said "you see, theres nothing in it, youre crazy and made the whole thing up".. do u really think a person who thought the cat dragged in a strangers used condom would even touch it, let alone wipe it clean with their bare hands... ? 

the point is that guilty people often go on the attack, they mimic what an innocent person might do, but go too far.. they attack you, your sanity, your behaviour, anything to deflect from the real matter, which is they are doing something to make you feel this way, and they arent ready to stop or take responsibility for it.

please make a list of the things that have made you suspicious over the years and the response he has had to these things when you confront him.

Well, well well.  Isn‘t this interesting.  You following Witty around on the internet.  Someone needs to Let It Gooo....