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MESSAGE
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| baoling |
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Posted: 7/10/2008 9:20 PM |
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Subject: am i over sensitive or he can‘t be trusted? |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 23
Total Posts: 1
singapore
Singapore
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Introduction:
My bf and I met each other through a mutual friend and at that point of time, we both broke up with our ex bf/gf about 1-2 months before we met each other. I guess because we were both in the same boat, our bf/gf cheated on us, we had a common topic and we found out that we were both from the same college. It was really nice and fun to be dating guys again and being wooed by him. But things were going really fast. We got together 2 months after we met each other, partly because I was going to fly back to the states to complete my studies. Hence, we had to endure the long distance relationship for a year.
The LDR wasn’t easy. I had to trust him while I was overseas and the fact that I only knew him for a few months were not helping. We did not really have the proper “knowing-each-other” or the “hanging-out” stage. I guess both of us were worried that we will miss the chance after I leave the country. Hence, we decided to be together. But before getting together, we did have a talk like how we didn’t want to be in relationship again so quickly because of our previous relationships. But because we are so attracted to one another and afraid of losing each other, we’ve decided to be together and work things out on the way.
I didn’t want to be a possessive and oversensitive girlfriend so I let him hung out with his friends, both girls and guys, while I was away. That is fair right? I mean we still need to have our own social life even when we are in a relationship.
Main Story:
I do not know if I’m just over sensitive or that I could not trust him anymore. What do you do when you found out your bf is “cheating/flirting” with another girl on text message or sms? I found out because I was looking through his cellphone. I was really upset when I found out because I trusted him and never suspected him at all, since we were in a long distance relationship. He hung out with friends when I was away. That was acceptable. He hung out with girls on 1-on-1 outing/dinner/coffee/drinks/movie. I let him go. Only after I got back for a short holiday and looked through his phone, I found out that the girl that he was friends with and went coffee and dinners and movie was the same girl that flirted with him on text messages. I was furious. How could he have done that to me when I gave him all my trust and believed that he wouldn’t do such a thing? This happened almost 6 months earlier and I’ve confronted him and he apologized and said he will never do it again. But yet, I can’t help but kept thinking of this and whether he will do it again. Is there something wrong with me? I’ve tried my very best to forget about it and to let it go. But I couldn’t. I always have the temptation to just look through his messages to make sure that nothing is going on. But of course that pisses him off. He said that I should trust him. But how do I do that when he is always in the drinking and clubbing scene and with models and socialites around? I really want to trust him and give him the freedom. I don’t want to be the possessive and jealous girlfriend. I want to be a girlfriend that he’s proud to have. But can he be trusted again? Or I should just relax and do not worry that much?
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| gina** |
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Posted: 7/11/2008 12:09 PM |
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Subject: am i over sensitive or he cant be trusted? |
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WomanSaver Addict
Female Member
Age: 37
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Total Posts: 128
anytown
Kansas
United States
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I‘d say a little of both - you‘re over sensitive (understandably) and maybe he can‘t be trusted.
I think you are barking up the wrong tree with this guy. You describe his lifestyle as way more freewheeling than I would want to put up with. Don‘t expect to change him, and to be fair it‘s his right to want to live that way. What do you really want in a man? If you want someone steadfast and solid and dependable and satisified with holding your hand over homemade spagetti in your pjs, then club boy probably isn‘t for you. He sounds like a type A who needs constant stimulation and likes to live fast.
Maybe he‘s just that way and will never change. Or maybe he‘s an insensitive jerk who even though knew you were cheated on, didn‘t hesitate to floss around with a bunch of go go girls behind your back. What did the texts say? If he was going out one on one with a woman who was flirting with him, and then especialy not telling you about it, then I‘d dump him.
It doesn‘t seem healthy to start a relationship this way, with you spying on him and him already doing things he knows would hurt your feelings and trust.
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| kirby123 |
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Posted: 7/11/2008 8:58 PM |
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Subject: am i over sensitive or he cant be trusted? |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 20
Total Posts: 4
inglewood
California
United States
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style="text-align: center;">wow... this is hard for me too because im going through the exact same thing at this very moment... n i know how u feel...its so hard to trust n believe them...n u feel betrayed... but ask urself one question ...deep down inside do u really think he is cheating... or do u believe its just flirting.. i mean dont get me wrong i dont think its ok either way...but what does ur gut instinct tell u... if u r willing to remain in this relationship i think its better if u let it go... n put it behind u... but if u cant get over it... n it happens again.. i say u leave... Its not right for him to disrespect u n lie...specially when u‘ve given him so much trust...I say u really think things through....figure out if he is worth keeping....
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