WomanSavers.com Forum / CATCH A CHEATER / My unbelievable story

I am new to this site ....Glad to find it...has anyone been in this situation?

My mess started 9 years ago when I was pregnat with my 3rd child. I am 39 years old and have been married for 19 years. Kids are 17, 14, 9 years old.

One night my husband came home really late smelling like perfume and I lost it. I was 8 mos pregnant and totally shocked. The girl actually came to my house with a 10 page letter and gave it to one of my kids who answered the door. My mom intervened so I didnt have to see the details. I thought we had this perfect marriage. We were best friends and did everything together. We were also moving into a new house so I felt like ok its one time and decided to make this work.

Had the baby and then about a year later he did it again, I couldnt believe it. Well to make a long story short in all it ended up happening 5 times total. That was enough for me. So i filed for divorce and we split for a year.

Well just before the divorce was final, he had begged me back and he had changed. I thought well yeah he probably learned his lesson. We have these 3 beautiful children, we should be a family. SO we gave it another go. We moved to a new town for a fresh start. We had a great new start and I thought it will be great. Not alot of trust there but I thought it would come back eventually.

Then about a year ago, husband got a new job in another state. We couldnt get the house sold and couldnt afford two payments so he went to job and stayed with my aunt and I stayed home with the kids. He came home every weekend. This lasted for many months.....couldnt sell the house so he found a new job back home. He was home for a month and got a text message from a girl in the state he worked and she said hi. I called her and we talked and she told me details, I was not happy. At this point still trying to sell house, just way too expensive. I felt stuck, so I had no choice money wise but to stay. I felt like it was an accident since he was out of town...still no excuse since I always took care of romantic stuff on weekends he came home.

I turned my head to this and just hoped it would stop. Finally we sold the house and everything seemed ok.

So about a month ago, I had to travel for my work and while I was away I checked the phone bill. I found some text messages ...so I called the number, again another girl. I didnt talk to her, I was just so mad. Husband ended up telling me on his own. He told me he also started seeing a counselor to find out why he does this. He learned alot...it has to do with his terrible childhood, he was adopted as a baby. So now he says he understands why he does this and is different.

Its really strange because I know he adores me, but does this junk and nothing has been emotional. He works around the house, cleans laundry. He is the best dad to his kids.

I do definately worry about diseases and AIDs, constantly worry about that.

I am staying for my kids sake.
I feel like if I left I will rip apart the family, and my 14 year old is at such a age where it would be terrible to move away to be near my mother. I work seasonally and will be back to work in the fall. I feel like at all the kids sporting events everyone is married and I would be the sad single mom out there. I Hear how hard it is to meet good guys out there and how challenging step families are to deal with. It so scary to be alone. I have confided in a few people and am starting to see a counselor on Monday, which I know I need at this point.  By reading all these stories are there any non-cheaters left?

But has this happend to anyone? Is there any hope he will change from seeing a counselor? Am i crazy for trying for so many years? I am at a loss of what to do....I dont want to be an old lady and have him leave me for someone else down the road...uuggghhhh....

your story reminds me of my dentist.

no matter how hard he has tried to get me to quit eating huge amounts of candy, i still eat candy.

 people do what they want because they like it.

he is gonna keep right on doing what he wants.

i agree with the senario of "stay together for the sake of the family".

i tried that.

the whore had other ideas.

There is no why I would stay with him!!  I would kill him in his sleep! 

You need to figure out what you want!!  Why should you stop living  because he is a cheating a$$?   Are you really helping your kids  or are you showing them that a man can treat a woman like crap and get away with it???

While I might stop short of killing him in his sleep, visions of balpeen hammers strategically and forcefully applied to kneecaps as well as a Bobbitization come immediately to mind.

Staying for the children is a noble concept.  However, children learn what they live and those are the lessons they‘ll take with them into their own adult relationships one day.  Do you really want them taught of loveless marriages filled with mistrust, pain, anger, infidelity, disrespect?

That is just what I was trying to say,  you just did a better job at it!!

I couldnt sleep in the same bed with a man like that!!  I guess oldwiz is right,  dont kill him.  just divorce him and make yourself happy!!

But Sunny, that homicidal nature is half your charm.  Didn‘t you know that?  

You know its really hard for me to understand the terrible child hood stuff,  I had a perfect childhood.  I do have 2 very good friends that had a terrible childhood  and they are both great  wives  and  great mothers. 

Dont stay with him because you feel sorry for him,  dont forget you only have one life,  dont waste it with a man that doesnt treat you right,  dont settle!!  You deserve more!!

Well  dont tell nobody  but i am really not as tuff as i act!!

But i have to admitt,  it is a good thing that the STBX  took all the guns out of the house,  because to be honest after that ashtray missed his head   I would have went for the gun  had it been there!!

omg!! did you see the police chief‘s wife went after him. WITH HIS OWN PISTOL???

she missed him in the house, chased him out the front door, bullets popping everywhere and over to the neighbors house, where he hid.

FORT LAUDERDALE - The wife of Police Chief Frank Adderley roused him from bed with a gunshot and then chased him from their Plantation house to a neighbor‘s, squeezing off more rounds as he ran away, authorities said.

The first bullet missed the chief by inches, police said. He was not injured.

Hours after the alleged Tuesday night attack, Adderley promised to pay the $25,000 bail to get his wife, Eleanor Leisa Adderley, out of jail. And then he agreed to move out of their Plantation house so she could live there without breaking a judge‘s order to stay a mile away from him.

absence can make the heart grow fonder.

if you want to keep on loving him then do it from a distance is my advice.

my friend at work says after her second divorce she started going out with her first husband again. the cheater.

she says they heated up the sheets in every no-tell motel on the strip. they got along great and were very close until he died.

she just didn‘t want to every live with him, share money with him or rely on him again and she didn‘t want the kids to get there hopes up.

she‘s the one that told me just because you get divorced doesn‘t mean its truly over unless you want it to be and lorrie what you want and what you feel will change as time goes by.