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| toohappy |
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Posted: 7/8/2008 6:45 AM |
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Subject: Mistakes in confronting the cheater? |
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WomanSaver Regular
Female Member
Age: 52
Total Posts: 60
Somewhere
Florida
United States
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Was wondering if any of you confronted your cheater or their cheatee, and what may have backfired, or not worked, or what would you have done differently?
I am so tempted to call up the one woman from our landline, have perhaps the husband‘s name show up if she has caller ID, and see if she calls our number and what may become of that....... but I still think I should wait until I hear from my lawyer and see what her opinion is of what to do next..... wonder if she‘s on vacation, lol!
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| supermom21664 |
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Posted: 7/8/2008 7:26 AM |
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Subject: Mistakes in confronting the cheater? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 44
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Total Posts: 989
Lumberton
Texas
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If you have all ready met with a lawyer do what thew lawyer says!!
I had my first husband served at work with me standing right there. The look on his face was totally priceless!!
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| Sam I Am |
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Posted: 7/8/2008 1:09 PM |
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Subject: Mistakes in confronting the cheater? |
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WomanSaver Addict
Female Member
Age: 44
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Total Posts: 241
Sweet Home
Alabama
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I told my cheating former spouse over the telephone to not come home and that the locks to the house had been changed. Then the children and I went out of town. I left the key with a friend so DA could get his stuff out of the house. He was served with divorce papers at his work the next week. Oh, before I told him not to come home, I took out half the money in the checking account.
The biggest mistake I made was asking the question "Why?"
Don‘t ever ask them this because they will just hurt your feelings. Everything will be your fault and you will be blamed for everything. Liar cheaters can never take responsibility for their own bad actions.
SAM
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| shally |
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Posted: 7/8/2008 1:30 PM |
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Subject: Mistakes in confronting the cheater? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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sittin' pretty on
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happy, do exactly what your lawyers tell you to do.
And listen to sam. Don‘t give him the satisfaction of asking why.
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| toohappy |
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Posted: 7/8/2008 6:08 PM |
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Subject: Mistakes in confronting the cheater? |
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WomanSaver Regular
Female Member
Age: 52
Total Posts: 60
Somewhere
Florida
United States
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I think he‘s going to be asking ME, why, lol! And wonder if I should tell at all but yeah; waiting on lawyer reply. I am also wondering how that initial break happens;; I am not so sure son will want to come with me or not; he thinks dad doesn‘t do any wrong.
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| supermom21664 |
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Posted: 7/8/2008 7:04 PM |
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Subject: Mistakes in confronting the cheater? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Age: 44
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Lumberton
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| toohappy wrote: | | I think he‘s going to be asking ME, why, lol! And wonder if I should tell at all but yeah; waiting on lawyer reply. I am also wondering how that initial break happens;; I am not so sure son will want to come with me or not; he thinks dad doesn‘t do any wrong. |
Ouch, it really hurts when we are hurt by our spouses and one of our children think that spouse can do no wrong.
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| gina** |
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Posted: 7/10/2008 12:48 PM |
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Subject: Mistakes in confronting the cheater? |
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WomanSaver Addict
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Age: 37
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The biggest mistake I made in confronting both my husband and the *&%$!!!* is that I did it in a fit of emotion before I actually caught what they were saying. I had the phone records, but not what was said. I also confronted her (by phone) in front of my husband, and due to his yelling in the background she knew he was there and that he had denied any affair, so she knew exactly what to say to cover her ass. Had I confronted her alone, I truly think she would have been stupid enough to say something. So here I sit years later, listening to my husband say they never talked about anything inappropriate, it‘s all in my head, I‘m taking it too far. All because I never actually heard the conversations.
Therefore, I say don‘t confront, because they will lie.
Leave them enough rope to hang themselves. Confrontations are actually good for them because then they know they must change their avenues of communications.
I thought too about calling her recently from his number and hanging up, just to see if she calls back. It has been years and he has sworn to me he hasn‘t talked to her since, but should I believe that?
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| gina** |
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Posted: 7/10/2008 12:55 PM |
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Subject: Mistakes in confronting the cheater? |
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WomanSaver Addict
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Age: 37
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PS, if you call from your landline even if his name shows up all she will say is that she doesn‘t have name caller ID and she didn‘t know who the number belonged too and was just calling to see who it was. This also happened with the tramp I dealt with. I told my husband the very same night after our big pow wow confrontation, I said "call her, I want to see if after all this, she still calls you back". I forced him to do it, I swear he is a big man but I honestly think he was afraid of me, I was so pumped up on adrenaline he listened, but he sure didn‘t want to. He called her, left a message that he was alone and to call him back as I had told himto say, and she called RIGHT BACK!!! After swearing she wouldn‘t call him again. She was shocked when I answered and said he set her up. All she said was she didn‘t recognize the number and called it back.
You know what a genius thing to do would be? Get a tape recording of your husband‘s voice just saying "Hi" and "what are you doing" and yes and no. Very simple stuff. And calling her and when she answers then play the recording of him saying Hi and then see if she starts talking when she thinks it‘s really him. I‘ve always wondered if it would be possible to fool someone that way.
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| lottalinda |
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Posted: 7/10/2008 1:09 PM |
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Subject: Mistakes in confronting the cheater? |
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WomanSaver Addict
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Age: 43
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Gina--I‘m dying to know how your vacation went!!!! Has anything changed with the hubby?? Did he end up going and did you have any long talks...I too ended up calling this little slut that he had such a deep emotional bond with and she ended up changing her cell phone number...if they didn‘t have anything to hide and they just talked about school and her family=why would she change her number????? I saw on GMA today there was a segment about physical affairs vs. emotional affairs and this couple that was on said that emotional affairs are much worse-I truly believe that..I told my husband I would have much rathered him sleep randomly with a stupid prostitute with noone knowing than disgrace me in front of everyone like he did. He even told his senior partner he had an emotional affair with this little whore!!!
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| toohappy |
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Posted: 7/10/2008 5:25 PM |
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Subject: Mistakes in confronting the cheater? |
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WomanSaver Regular
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Age: 52
Total Posts: 60
Somewhere
Florida
United States
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I was thinking of calling from home because I think he blocks our number for one of them,, and it might show his name.. so see if he calls back... lol... but yeah; the confrontations tell them how to be sneakier; and I had one last night and I figure well it‘s the end anyway now...and like you, I was gaslighted... trying to make like things we know to be true are our imaginations.... And I didn‘t even tell all.
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| gina** |
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Posted: 7/11/2008 8:18 AM |
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Subject: Mistakes in confronting the cheater? |
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WomanSaver Addict
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Age: 37
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anytown
Kansas
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| lottalinda wrote: | |
Gina--I‘m dying to know how your vacation went!!!! Has anything changed with the hubby?? Did he end up going and did you have any long talks...I too ended up calling this little slut that he had such a deep emotional bond with and she ended up changing her cell phone number...if they didn‘t have anything to hide and they just talked about school and her family=why would she change her number????? I saw on GMA today there was a segment about physical affairs vs. emotional affairs and this couple that was on said that emotional affairs are much worse-I truly believe that..I told my husband I would have much rathered him sleep randomly with a stupid prostitute with noone knowing than disgrace me in front of everyone like he did. He even told his senior partner he had an emotional affair with this little whore!!!
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Thanks for asking, my vacation was pretty fun, until I knew I had to come back. I kind of missed him, but then I also started feeling some anxiety the final few days, I think I expected to have some big epiphany while I was gone, like I‘d be sitting in a strange town and suddenly go "oh now I know what I should do about my life". Well that didn‘t happen. I guess you can run but you can‘t hide from your problems. I kind of naively thought some time away would make everything crystal clear. Well it didn‘t. But that‘s okay. I actually think I missed the comfort of home more than him specifically. It kept making me sad that I was stuck on vacation with my mom instead of a husband, this isn‘t how my life was supposed to be. But also I was completely fine without him and was suprised I didn‘t miss him that much. And that was sad, to know I really didnt‘ miss him that much.
Insult to injury, that he told his partner about his affair. Why did he do that? Damn all of them. Yes, I know what you mean. If he had banged some prositute it might have been easier than knowing he and someone I knew lied to me for years right in front of my face, someone he talked to and worked with and was around in normal life.
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