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| imthewife |
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Posted: 5/9/2008 1:40 PM |
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Subject: how do I get past this? |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 33
Total Posts: 6
Gibsonton
Florida
United States
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I have a very long story but I am tormented by this and really need some input. Although I have gotten advice from just about everyone I know and even people I don‘t know and from books I can‘t seem to find the answers I need, perhaps I never will. You see I‘ve been with my husband since I was 15, we married at 19, we are now 33. In 2003 he lost his job due to the company closing and couldn‘t find another, he wanted to move to Florida from Ohio and I didn‘t but I went anyway, for him giving up all my family, friends and just plain home which I loved. Up north we had what I thought was a near perfect marriage, people envied us, we did everything together, he was the greatest guy in the world! After we moved everything changed, he was less supportive, I was very homesick he couldn‘t deal with it, well he got a job down here in Florida and almost exactly one year later he had a girlfriend. I didn‘t know about it then though. I just know I heard him mention her name as a friend a few times and just hearing her name no joke made my hair stand up, I knew she was trouble but what could I do? Then in Aug of 2005 we started fighting horribly and I didn‘t even know why, he just started treating me like crap it was like he was a stranger it was awful! Then a few weeks later I started checking cell phone records, they were talking constantly, several times a day everyday! I asked him he said they were just friends blah blah blah, I called her and asked her why she was talking to him so much and she said she had allot of problems and he listened to her, I told her if she was going to be his friend, she was going to meet with me and it would no longer be in secret anymore, she agreed but the meeting never happened. I gave him a choice her or me, I knew there was more to this than just friends talking what a load of crap! Anyway, all the sudden the phone calls seemed to stop and he changed jobs but our fighting didn‘t stop, there was something about her that stayed with me, I was made to believe I was crazy, I was mistreated, neglected you name it. For 2 years of hell we fought, to this day I haven‘t a clue what kept us together through all that! This past August on our 13th wedding anniversary, my husband threw $360 at me and told $350 was to file divorce papers I had a paralegal prepare for me while we were separated for a short period last year and $10 was for gas. My mom was down visiting at the time. I was devastated! I sat there on my 13th anniversary in the clerk of courts with him at my side while we raised our right hands and prepared to end our marriage, in fact the clock was 3pm the exact time my wedding ceremony began 13 years prior. Our divorced finalized Oct. 15 of 2007 but he never moved out, we both seemed to be shocked that the other didn‘t stop the proceedigns and we regretted it. (I forgot to mention we were in marriage counseling with a couple different therapists over this 2 year period) he never moved out after the divorce was final, he said he needed time to get some money together, find a place etc. I then noticed the phone thing again, many private calls coming in that he wouldn‘t answer in front of me, the place he used to work coming up on his cell bill again, I couldn‘t believe it. I knew in my gut she never left the picture. Well December 28th 2007 only 2 months after our divorce was final he asked to remarry me, we went to the j.p. and got remarried and on Jan. 3rd 2008 a week later, he left on a mystery trip of which he told me he was going to bring me back peace of mind but I couldn‘t know where he was going until after he got back, my gut instincts told me to call her, I called her work and asked for her, low and behold she was out of town too! He got back on Jan. 7, on he 8th we fought like cats and dogs, he denied being with her, said he was alone, and that he went there to the country she happened to be from to have a curse removed from our marriage (one I insisted she put on us, so I thought, how else could I explain the loss of the man I loved). I couldn‘t believe the crazy story he was feeding me, on the 9th of January I called her again on her cell and insisted she tell me the truth once and for all, and it was then my life took a horrible turn. She admitted that they were together in Jamaica but that it wasn‘t a romantic trip, that he had feelings for her but she didn‘t have room in her life for him right now. She also lied and said that she had been out of his life for the past two years that he called her after the hurricanes went over Jamaica in the summer and asked if her family was o.k. and they started talking ever since, she denied having sex with him on the trip. I confronted him and it wasn‘t pretty, he lied some more and we fought but he still didn‘t move out, he wanted another chance but refused to admit the whole truth. He just said he went as a friend, whatever. Well I called her a few times without response and finally on January 20th she agreed to meet with me and tell me the truth, but only if he didn‘t come because she said he‘d accuse her of lieing anyway. We met and she camed armed with pictures of the two of them at Busch Gardens for Hallowscream, at Disney for her birthday, and cards from him and her laptop full of two years of emails in between the two of them. I somehow kept complete composure I calmly listened and never even shed a tear. In fact she was stunned by that, she was like "how come you are not crying, I would be crying so hard if I were you" like she was disappointed that she wasn‘t hurting me. Well, anyway, my husband finally now could no longer lie he was caught, he begged on one knee for my forgiveness and says that he realized he was throwing his family away and for what? He realized that he was going to lose the best thing that ever happened to him and he went on the trip basically to pacify her and he also said he picked fights the whole trip trying to make her basically hate him, he said he figured if he was mean to her it would end and she wouldn‘t be mad and tell me everything, he said he was trying to protect himself by pacifying her. He was afraid she‘d tell me everything. She says she was dumping him, that she wasn‘t physically attracted to him anymore, he says that is a lie. Now I just don‘t know how to get past the pain, I mean he had sex with her in my bed while I was home visiting family with the kids in ohio, he‘s trying to do everything he can to help me overcome this but I‘m totally consumed by it, I‘d depressed, I‘m sad, everywhere I look I see them together. He says she makes him sick now, and that what he did makes him sick and that he doesn‘t know what got into him but that he‘ll spend the rest of his life making it up to me and that he‘s not giving up on us. I just can‘t trust him anymore, what if she was dumping him like she says and I am just second choice? Of course I ask myself if she was dumping him why pay his way to Jamaica and she even told me she laid her head on his lap the whole plain ride home, why would she do that if she was dumping him? I just can‘t stand the thought that he‘s only with me because he doesn‘t want to be alone, because she doesn‘t want him. He swears he was dumping her, and she cried her eyes out over him coming back to me. I just need to know how I can get past this pain and the questions and the distrust and the fear that he‘ll do it again. I‘m so tormented and scared and hurt. I cry almost everyday for atleast a little bit and I think about them all day everyday, they even haunt my dreams! In many ways I‘m getting treatment from him I haven‘t gotten in years, he‘s bending over backwards to try and make me happy. Any advice would be so appreciated!
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| sunny fl |
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Posted: 5/9/2008 2:31 PM |
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Subject: how do I get past this? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 42
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Total Posts: 3831
tireofhisshit
Maine
United States
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Wow another lying piece of **** man!!
You are stronger then me, if you can forgive him!
If my husband went to jamacia right after we got married, He wouldnt have a DICK left to **** around on me with!!
Girl pack up your family and move back home!!
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| shally |
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Posted: 5/9/2008 2:59 PM |
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Subject: how do I get past this? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 3
Total Posts: 6991
sittin' pretty on
Isle of Man
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 Wow, what an ass. I don‘t blame you for not trusting him. I don‘t think you are ever going to get the truth from either one of them. You have a very long history with this man. I don‘t know that he is the same man you knew and loved. Is he? What do your instincts tell you? Your feelings are so raw I wouldn‘t trust them if I were you, you are probably up and down, not knowing which way to turn. Seriously, trust your instincts when trying to figure out what is ‘real‘ and what is true. That voice within you will never steer you wrong.
I‘m with sunny, I‘d take the kids and go home, with or without him. Concern yourself with you, what‘s good for you, what you need. Time to put yourself first. What do you want? What will it take for you to find and have some peace? Seek happiness for you and your kids.
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| sunny fl |
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Posted: 5/9/2008 4:01 PM |
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Subject: how do I get past this? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 42
Total Posts: 3831
tireofhisshit
Maine
United States
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I know how scary it is to think about being without him, I have been married for 21 years I started dating him at 17 I am now 42, He isnt the man I married anymore.
I didnt think, I just reacted and left the sameday i caught him, his had only started a few days before.
You need to think long and hard about what is right for you, you have a long road ahead and alot of healing no matter if you stay or go!!
Good luck to you
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| ttheanalyzer99 |
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Posted: 5/9/2008 6:02 PM |
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Subject: how do I get past this? |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 38
Total Posts: 9
texas
United States
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Is anything really going to change? And how will you react in the future to any little, or big, incident or trigger that comes up? I think I would be paranoid 24/7 if I stayed with him.
You have to make a choice. If it means moving on than it will be that much sooner that you start your healing process. It will get easier although at first it does not seem like it. It took a long time to get where you are now so it won‘t happen overnight but it will eventually. Otherwise you will be stuck in this same place and feeling the same way until ??????.
Good luck and know you have the strength to take care of yourself and your family.
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| nstevens |
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Posted: 5/9/2008 7:36 PM |
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Subject: how do I get past this? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 38
Total Posts: 1074
El Paso
Texas
United States
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I am so sorry you are having to go threw all this **** with this man.And I know it must have been one of the hardest things you every have gone there to meet this female and stay calm.Dont know if I could have done that.
I also know it is hard to move on when your h wont tell you everything.
And the killer is for him to go off with this woman right after the two of you got married again and you thou things where getting better.
I know it is hard because you have children with him.And I am sure the children can feel something is not right.
I have to say that you will be hurting from this for a very long time and will not forget it.And I am sure you are feeling like you are going crazy and sick .I am so sorry for all this pain.
What would you tell someone eles to do if it where a friend or family memeber.I know it is easyer to tell others what to do and easyer said then done.
And like I think Sunny said you will be hurting either way with him or with out him.You are still young and should enioy life and someday maybe find a man who will not cheat on you and lie to you and your family.
Not to scare you or upset you are more,but I hope you have talked to your doctor about this so you can make sure he didn‘t give you anything.
keep posting we are here for you.
One last thing Happy Mothers Day.
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| totally confused |
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Posted: 5/10/2008 12:54 AM |
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Subject: how do I get past this? |
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WomanSaver Regular
Female Member
Age: 32
Total Posts: 70
Troy
Michigan
United States
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Love is blind, so I understand how you can look past everything he put you through because you DO love him. You‘ve let all this consume you, bring you down, and most importantly.... Take away a happy mom from your children. It‘s hard to judge the situation on the limited amount of information given, but....Personally, I think you deserve a much better life with someone who would NEVER put you or your children‘s lives up on the chopping block for some bimbo/relationship with a bimbo.
It‘s sad to me that men don‘t realize emotional infidelity hurts 100x worse. They don‘t realize their wife is sitting at home being emotionally/sexually neglected while he‘s off having romantic getaways feeling all those emotions that you have when you‘re a lovesick puppy; But, once those initial feelings fade and the gaga phase is over, it‘s amazing how they wake up and realize what they are ultimately giving up(wife, mother of their children, best friend for life, lover, soul mate, partner in crime, etc..) Nor do they think down the road that their infidelity will break a trust/bond/connection with their ultimate partner, their wife.
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| imthewife |
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Posted: 5/10/2008 1:27 PM |
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Subject: how do I get past this? |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 33
Total Posts: 6
Gibsonton
Florida
United States
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| nstevens wrote: | Not to scare you or upset you are more,but I hope you have talked to your doctor about this so you can make sure he didn‘t give you anything.
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Thank you all so much for all your input, this relationship and situation seem so complicated it‘s hard for me to explain it all in words.
But to answer your question, 2 weeks after I met with the whore, I asked him to go with me for STD testing. We went to a clinic and both got tested, HIV came back negative but I was on my period that day so they wouldn‘t to the pelvic exam. They did draw blood as I said to test for Gonorhea (hope I spelled that right), syphillis and clamidia but you had to call in for those results in 2 weeks and I never called, don‘t know why i didn‘t. One thing in their stories did match up they both said the last time they had sex was in November, a day they went to a wedding together. We were tested in February so I figured if I had anything the signs would probably be there physically by now. I don‘t know if it‘s too late to call in for the results of those other tests because you are only given a number they don‘t use your name except to pay with a credit card and I was given an exact time and day to call but got busy at work that day, and then never tried back another time, now I don‘t even know where I put the paperwork for the testing we had done. I haven‘t had an annual exam for over 2 years due to lack of insurance and I can‘t find a discount clinic near me.
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| sunny fl |
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Posted: 5/10/2008 1:35 PM |
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Subject: how do I get past this? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 42
Total Posts: 3831
tireofhisshit
Maine
United States
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| imthewife wrote: |
| nstevens wrote: | Not to scare you or upset you are more,but I hope you have talked to your doctor about this so you can make sure he didn‘t give you anything. |
Thank you all so much for all your input, this relationship and situation seem so complicated it‘s hard for me to explain it all in words. But to answer your question, 2 weeks after I met with the whore, I asked him to go with me for STD testing. We went to a clinic and both got tested, HIV came back negative but I was on my period that day so they wouldn‘t to the pelvic exam. They did draw blood as I said to test for Gonorhea (hope I spelled that right), syphillis and clamidia but you had to call in for those results in 2 weeks and I never called, don‘t know why i didn‘t. One thing in their stories did match up they both said the last time they had sex was in November, a day they went to a wedding together. We were tested in February so I figured if I had anything the signs would probably be there physically by now. I don‘t know if it‘s too late to call in for the results of those other tests because you are only given a number they don‘t use your name except to pay with a credit card and I was given an exact time and day to call but got busy at work that day, and then never tried back another time, now I don‘t even know where I put the paperwork for the testing we had done. I haven‘t had an annual exam for over 2 years due to lack of insurance and I can‘t find a discount clinic near me.
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In the state of Florida, They are required to contact you if you have any form of an STD! So rest assure you didnt!
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| imthewife |
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Posted: 5/10/2008 2:43 PM |
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Subject: how do I get past this? |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 33
Total Posts: 6
Gibsonton
Florida
United States
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Thanks for letting me know that, that makes me feel a little better.
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| lorrie |
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Posted: 5/12/2008 5:30 AM |
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Subject: how do I get past this? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Age: 7
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georgetown
Cayman Islands
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throw his lying stinking no good ass out.
o, and this time, he‘s gonna pay for the divorce.
i find the fact that he dissed you, hurt your mom and left you on your anniversary to file against him unforgiveable.
its up to you if you wanna continue to be second best.
you‘re his mommy, not his women any more.
sorry. **** happens, don‘t be their target anymore. once you get rid of him the pure adrenline and endorphins that come from calling your own shots for your own life are awesome.
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| me4life |
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Posted: 5/14/2008 11:45 AM |
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Subject: how do I get past this? |
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WomanSaver Regular
Female Member
Age: 43
Total Posts: 76
Charlotte
North Carolina
United States
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Wow. I cannot hardly believe this. He is stupid as hell. If anything- I would not believe anything except what I saw in those pictures. Is that enough to convince you that he is a jerk? I cannot imagine your pain and disbelief and he wasnt even smart enough to hide ANYTHING. I would not want to waste my precious time wondering what he is up to when he is/is not up to anything. He wants to save his marriage, his life, his assets. He wants to save HIMSELF. Just like he was thinking of HIMSELF when he made his decisions over and over again. She didnt make him do anything he didnt want to already do. Is he smiling in any of those pictures? Did he have a gun to his head? Probably not- HE did this to himself. You may get past it- you will never forget it. Will he do it again? Maybe? I am going to actually go out on a limb and say probably- considering his age- and the fact that you found out on your own about this affair. I hope you move on- I know plenty of people who got cheated on and moved on. Happily with someone else. I also know some who stayed- its a hard road no matter what. I am divorced and divorce does hurt children but it they do accept it with your love and understanding.
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| sweet_dreams |
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Posted: 5/15/2008 11:40 PM |
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Subject: how do I get past this? |
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New WomanSaver
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Age: 19
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orlando
Florida
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| imthewife wrote: | |
I have a very long story but I am tormented by this and really need some input. Although I have gotten advice from just about everyone I know and even people I don‘t know and from books I can‘t seem to find the answers I need, perhaps I never will. You see I‘ve been with my husband since I was 15, we married at 19, we are now 33. In 2003 he lost his job due to the company closing and couldn‘t find another, he wanted to move to Florida from Ohio and I didn‘t but I went anyway, for him giving up all my family, friends and just plain home which I loved. Up north we had what I thought was a near perfect marriage, people envied us, we did everything together, he was the greatest guy in the world! After we moved everything changed, he was less supportive, I was very homesick he couldn‘t deal with it, well he got a job down here in Florida and almost exactly one year later he had a girlfriend. I didn‘t know about it then though. I just know I heard him mention her name as a friend a few times and just hearing her name no joke made my hair stand up, I knew she was trouble but what could I do? Then in Aug of 2005 we started fighting horribly and I didn‘t even know why, he just started treating me like crap it was like he was a stranger it was awful! Then a few weeks later I started checking cell phone records, they were talking constantly, several times a day everyday! I asked him he said they were just friends blah blah blah, I called her and asked her why she was talking to him so much and she said she had allot of problems and he listened to her, I told her if she was going to be his friend, she was going to meet with me and it would no longer be in secret anymore, she agreed but the meeting never happened. I gave him a choice her or me, I knew there was more to this than just friends talking what a load of crap! Anyway, all the sudden the phone calls seemed to stop and he changed jobs but our fighting didn‘t stop, there was something about her that stayed with me, I was made to believe I was crazy, I was mistreated, neglected you name it. For 2 years of hell we fought, to this day I haven‘t a clue what kept us together through all that! This past August on our 13th wedding anniversary, my husband threw $360 at me and told $350 was to file divorce papers I had a paralegal prepare for me while we were separated for a short period last year and $10 was for gas. My mom was down visiting at the time. I was devastated! I sat there on my 13th anniversary in the clerk of courts with him at my side while we raised our right hands and prepared to end our marriage, in fact the clock was 3pm the exact time my wedding ceremony began 13 years prior. Our divorced finalized Oct. 15 of 2007 but he never moved out, we both seemed to be shocked that the other didn‘t stop the proceedigns and we regretted it. (I forgot to mention we were in marriage counseling with a couple different therapists over this 2 year period) he never moved out after the divorce was final, he said he needed time to get some money together, find a place etc. I then noticed the phone thing again, many private calls coming in that he wouldn‘t answer in front of me, the place he used to work coming up on his cell bill again, I couldn‘t believe it. I knew in my gut she never left the picture. Well December 28th 2007 only 2 months after our divorce was final he asked to remarry me, we went to the j.p. and got remarried and on Jan. 3rd 2008 a week later, he left on a mystery trip of which he told me he was going to bring me back peace of mind but I couldn‘t know where he was going until after he got back, my gut instincts told me to call her, I called her work and asked for her, low and behold she was out of town too! He got back on Jan. 7, on he 8th we fought like cats and dogs, he denied being with her, said he was alone, and that he went there to the country she happened to be from to have a curse removed from our marriage (one I insisted she put on us, so I thought, how else could I explain the loss of the man I loved). I couldn‘t believe the crazy story he was feeding me, on the 9th of January I called her again on her cell and insisted she tell me the truth once and for all, and it was then my life took a horrible turn. She admitted that they were together in Jamaica but that it wasn‘t a romantic trip, that he had feelings for her but she didn‘t have room in her life for him right now. She also lied and said that she had been out of his life for the past two years that he called her after the hurricanes went over Jamaica in the summer and asked if her family was o.k. and they started talking ever since, she denied having sex with him on the trip. I confronted him and it wasn‘t pretty, he lied some more and we fought but he still didn‘t move out, he wanted another chance but refused to admit the whole truth. He just said he went as a friend, whatever. Well I called her a few times without response and finally on January 20th she agreed to meet with me and tell me the truth, but only if he didn‘t come because she said he‘d accuse her of lieing anyway. We met and she camed armed with pictures of the two of them at Busch Gardens for Hallowscream, at Disney for her birthday, and cards from him and her laptop full of two years of emails in between the two of them. I somehow kept complete composure I calmly listened and never even shed a tear. In fact she was stunned by that, she was like "how come you are not crying, I would be crying so hard if I were you" like she was disappointed that she wasn‘t hurting me. Well, anyway, my husband finally now could no longer lie he was caught, he begged on one knee for my forgiveness and says that he realized he was throwing his family away and for what? He realized that he was going to lose the best thing that ever happened to him and he went on the trip basically to pacify her and he also said he picked fights the whole trip trying to make her basically hate him, he said he figured if he was mean to her it would end and she wouldn‘t be mad and tell me everything, he said he was trying to protect himself by pacifying her. He was afraid she‘d tell me everything. She says she was dumping him, that she wasn‘t physically attracted to him anymore, he says that is a lie. Now I just don‘t know how to get past the pain, I mean he had sex with her in my bed while I was home visiting family with the kids in ohio, he‘s trying to do everything he can to help me overcome this but I‘m totally consumed by it, I‘d depressed, I‘m sad, everywhere I look I see them together. He says she makes him sick now, and that what he did makes him sick and that he doesn‘t know what got into him but that he‘ll spend the rest of his life making it up to me and that he‘s not giving up on us. I just can‘t trust him anymore, what if she was dumping him like she says and I am just second choice? Of course I ask myself if she was dumping him why pay his way to Jamaica and she even told me she laid her head on his lap the whole plain ride home, why would she do that if she was dumping him? I just can‘t stand the thought that he‘s only with me because he doesn‘t want to be alone, because she doesn‘t want him. He swears he was dumping her, and she cried her eyes out over him coming back to me. I just need to know how I can get past this pain and the questions and the distrust and the fear that he‘ll do it again. I‘m so tormented and scared and hurt. I cry almost everyday for atleast a little bit and I think about them all day everyday, they even haunt my dreams! In many ways I‘m getting treatment from him I haven‘t gotten in years, he‘s bending over backwards to try and make me happy. Any advice would be so appreciated!
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style="text-align: center;">I think u should move on without him.He has done enough to u and ur family.U should move on for the sake of u and ur kids.U are never going to feel secure with him.Even small things will get u thinking if he is doing something or not.Dont give him the right to play around with ur feelings,don‘t let him know that no matter what he does ur always going to forgive him.Maybe once u can forgive and move on.I don‘t know how u maneged to move on with all that insecurity in ur heart and that fear of what is he doing.Don‘t be scared of being alone,cause ur not going to be i bet there are lots of men that would love to be with u and ur kids.A man that takes care of u.loves u,be there for u no matter what.Hope u can get the strength to to overcome this.Luck!!
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| gina** |
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Posted: 5/16/2008 8:56 AM |
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Subject: how do I get past this? |
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WomanSaver Addict
Female Member
Age: 37
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Total Posts: 125
anytown
Kansas
United States
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Up until this sentence you wrote: "For 2 years of hell we fought, to this day I haven‘t a clue what kept us together through all that!" You‘re story was exactly like mine.
I won‘t clutter up your thread with my own story but I just posted it under "what if he won‘t admit he cheated". Just know you‘re not the only one this has happened to.
I hate to say this but I think you should just go. You‘ve bent over backwards for him, there‘s no question about the depth of the affair, and the advantage he has taken of your forgiveness is unforgiveable. I don‘t believe either of them. He goes on a big fat exotic jamacan vacation to try and piss off his affair partner so she leaves him? You just can‘t see how ridiculous that sounds because he has you knee deep in his baloney. Well, let us be your eyes and tell you: that‘s a lie! Gee, if it was some sort of sick break up trip like he says, why go to beautiful romantic jamaica? why not take her to Okeefenokee Swamp where there‘s lots of mosquitos and leeches, that would have really gotten rid of her. Who‘s going to take someone to a tropical exotic get away to pee them off?
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| f0ung1irl |
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Posted: 6/13/2008 3:59 AM |
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Subject: how do I get past this? |
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WomanSaver Lurker
Female Member
Age: 32
Total Posts: 19
Plymouth
United Kingdom
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| gina** wrote: | Up until this sentence you wrote: "For 2 years of hell we fought, to this day I haven‘t a clue what kept us together through all that!" You‘re story was exactly like mine.
I won‘t clutter up your thread with my own story but I just posted it under "what if he won‘t admit he cheated". Just know you‘re not the only one this has happened to.
I hate to say this but I think you should just go. You‘ve bent over backwards for him, there‘s no question about the depth of the affair, and the advantage he has taken of your forgiveness is unforgiveable. I don‘t believe either of them. He goes on a big fat exotic jamacan vacation to try and piss off his affair partner so she leaves him? You just can‘t see how ridiculous that sounds because he has you knee deep in his baloney. Well, let us be your eyes and tell you: that‘s a lie! Gee, if it was some sort of sick break up trip like he says, why go to beautiful romantic jamaica? why not take her to Okeefenokee Swamp where there‘s lots of mosquitos and leeches, that would have really gotten rid of her. Who‘s going to take someone to a tropical exotic get away to pee them off?
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ooh dear Gina, u got me laughing over there, so hard my tummy hurts. I just joined this group and loving it like hell, sorry heaven....lol. where the hell is okeeeeeeeneeeeeeeefnokee swamp??????? ive also been a victim of infidelity and its horrible...i think its the worst thing that can happen to any woman..should be posting my story soon
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| lilangellis |
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Posted: 6/13/2008 3:29 PM |
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Subject: how do I get past this? |
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WomanSaver Lurker
Female Member
Age: 39
Total Posts: 13
anycity
North Dakota
United States
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The truth is not only has he cheated, he continually lied to you. He has broken the vows he took , tore your heart out and could have put your physical health in jeopordy,not to mention your life if he would have given you hiv. He obviously chose to only think of himself and not the wife who has stood at his side for so long, or the children you gave him! What a stupid ass piece of crap!!!!!! Of course he is going to want to hold on to the best thing that has ever happened to him. What will you do when he cheats again?? And if you stay....can you ever trust him or ever believe anything he ever tells you??? I know after so many years together it is hard to just up and leave, but wouldn‘t you rather live a life of peace and happiness with your children instead of staying with someone who has done this??I really feel for you and your children. I completely understand what you are going thru!!! Whatever your decision, you need to go see a therapist to help you get through this. Prayers and Hugs to You.
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| Aprylshowers |
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Posted: 6/13/2008 6:57 PM |
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Subject: how do I get past this? |
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WomanSaver Lurker
Female Member
Age: 34
Total Posts: 21
Greensboro
North Carolina
United States
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I understand how you feel...Been there and still there 
It seems like to me that he is like my husband...he want‘s his cake, but wants to eat it too. Men have an expression that they use "It‘s cheaper to keep her". Don‘t think he doesn‘t know that if you leave he will be paying child support. I am not saying that he doesn‘t love you, but one thing is for sure...he doesn‘t love you the way you deserve to be loved.
My husband has cheated more times than I can count and many more times that I don‘t even know about, but everytime I did catch him he would start the begging and pleading game. And if this did not work then he would take it up a notch with degrading himself, telling me how stupid he was and what an idiot he was for hurting the most important person in his life, then the flowers and jewelry would arrive. And yes I fell for that everytime...up until recently...and once he realized I was tired of hearing the same ole bull crap he kicked it up another notch and threatened suicide if I left him....telling me he can‘t live without me. BTW--That worked too...But he never stopped cheating.
Now this is your wake up call...everyone woman who has been betrayed by their husband has received a wake up call at some point. He is not going to change and even if he is threw with her or vice versa...she will not be the last one.
It is up to you if you leave or stay...but don‘t fool yourself into believing he is all of a sudden a changed man. Reality is that men like him don‘t change...and if you stay you will be having conversations with many other women. And with every betrayal you will lose apart of yourself. Until oneday you wake up and realize you no longer give a crap about him or anything else. Your heart will harden and you will lose all your joy...So ask yourself, is he worth that? Do your children want a mother who no longer enjoys life?
Good Luck!
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| toohappy |
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Posted: 6/13/2008 7:33 PM |
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Subject: how do I get past this? |
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WomanSaver Regular
Female Member
Age: 52
Total Posts: 53
Somewhere
Florida
United States
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Just say the words to yourself, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me..... and I‘ve added my own additional line... shame me 3 times and I‘ve got to get my head examined......(lemme tellya I am not going to have to get my head examined, lol!)
He‘s fooled you twice, he figures he can walk all over you; get rid of him....
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| WSS |
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Posted: 6/13/2008 10:35 PM |
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Subject: how do I get past this? |
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WomanSaver Lurker
Female Member
Age: 32
Total Posts: 18
Owosso
Michigan
United States
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This is bad. I was devastated when I found out Dave secretly took a twenty year old girl to Disney World (we live in Michigan), vs. taking the kids and I instead. Jamaica? No Way. And a week after remarrying? There‘s a good chance I‘d be on my way to the pen right now and I put up with with a LOT!!
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| marabelm |
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Posted: 6/16/2008 10:24 PM |
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Subject: how do I get past this? |
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WomanSaver Lurker
Female Member
Age: 31
Total Posts: 21
Jackson
New Jersey
United States
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Wow. You‘ve been throught the ringer.
I wish I had advice for words of wisdom for you. It seems like a lot of us are in the same boat- is he sincere about changing? Is he capable? How do I work through it?
I guess all I can say is that you are not alone.
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