WomanSavers.com Forum / CATCH A CHEATER / Almost one year

It‘s almost been a year since I found out he cheated.

I posted a lot on here when I first found out - I wanted to know if others were as stupid as me for staying.

What I discovered was it‘s not blanket stupidity, what I mean is - each situation, relationship, circumstance is different.

We became closer - his life became more of an open book. We went to counseling.

Unfortunately I couldn‘t and still can‘t forget about her.  I searched so hard and found her online, she‘s quite the blabber mouth.  I check her myspace and her livejournal - but no longer respond or comment.  Actually at one point I wanted to trick her into being friends, just to hurt her.  Then I‘ve gone through feeling "bad" for her life - that part really truly is the worst.

So I guess I‘m answering my own question on do you heal?Can you heal?  I still have skeletons, maybe I don‘t fully trust him, how could I?

Unless you‘ve gone through it you can‘t answer my question.. can you heal and go on with the partner/spouse/ that cheated on you?

Is this a trust issue, or an issue of jealousy?

I only ask because it seems that you have spent some time trying to gain HER confidence (for all the wrong reasons) when HE should be gaining YOURS.

I have tried but things didnt work out with my stbx  so I really dont know how long it takes to forgive,  I have heard others say it was years.  You need to forget about the other woman,  she isnt worth your time.  (lesson hard learned)  He needs to do everything he can to earn your trust back.

Dont be to hard on yourself,  decide what you want and work towards that!!

Great to see you back here!

I want my marriage and we continue to work toward it - though it‘s not as much work as it was in the beginning - and I feel retarded when I sayit brought us closer - woke us up to a marriage going on 21 years.

But sickens me to think he and she would have done it - I know I won‘t ever get over it as long as it doesn‘t ruin my every day

Well, here‘s the deal with me. It‘s  been almost one year since my husband last screwed around on me. Two-days and it will be the day. The next day is Mother‘s day-great. He sent me flowers last year for Mother‘s Day on his way out of town to meet her. Tough to get through...

I posted a few weeks back the day I knew was the day he started screwing around with that whore. Lots of painful reminders. All the dates come back to me. And, there will be the date I found out-May 17th. UGH!

In my case, I found out  through cell phone records, and then there was the ususal denial, etc. Then it all came flooding in, and boy was there a lot of drama. Drinking, counseling, etc. I have spent the last year finding out all of the different ways he was unfaithful to me during our marriage. I had lived a lie. I was the only one who was married.

In reality, he really was the one with problems. Not me, not our marriage. He has issues with feeling inadequate, feeling abandoned, etc. I was growing as a person and he wasn‘t-ever. He also wasn‘t growing up. He had crappy parents and all the rest of that BS. But, he really did finally understand that I was the best thing that ever happened to him and I was there all along.

I understand what you say about making the marriage better. Now, it‘s great for him because he didn‘t lose everything. But I won‘t ever have the great marriage I thought I used to have, even though we seem closer.

I chose to forgive, and that‘s a choice I question sometimes. Not that he didn‘t deserve it and tries daily to do whatever it is he needs to, but that I am not as strong of a person as I thought I was. I wonder if I have the capacity to really ever forgive. I know I will never forget. I have at least one time every day where I get pissed and then sad. I don‘t know how long it will take for that to stop, maybe never. But it has lessened.

Its not retared to say it brought you closer,  I have heard others say that too.  I think he realized just what he was about to lose,  He had a wake up call!!

Dont let the WHORE get to you,  this is about you and your marriage!   Dont let her controll your emotions.  She was and always will be a two bit WHORE,  i remember reading her blog!   She needs to go out with the trash!!