WomanSavers.com Forum / CATCH A CHEATER / Update - Caught Him...

Here‘s an update to my situation...

I‘ve had a suspicion lately that my husband was up to his old "tricks" again, with women on the phone and internet. I‘ve been searching for evidence for months and couldn‘t find any...he was hiding it well this time.

Well, on Friday morning, I woke up really early in the morning and heard him texting on his phone...and this was around 4:30AM. I walked into the livingroom and he shut his phone really quick and set it on the table, trying to act like he wasn‘t doing anything. So, I left it alone and didn‘t say a word...I knew the password to his cell phone account online, and planned to check it when I got to work.

Sure enough, I logged into his cell account at work Friday morning, and there were a bunch of texts between him and a strange number I‘ve never seen before...as well as a few picture exchanges. So, I called the strange number...it was a woman, of course. I talked to her for a few minutes, and she was quite nice. She apologized for talking to him - as she tells it, she didn‘t know about me because he said he was single. She forwarded me the texts and pictures they had exchanged that morning. She said she met him on the chat/date site he was using before (the one he SWORE he would never use again, blah, blah, blah).

So, I called him and asked him who Tracy was. He said, "Oh, she‘s just a friend I talk to sometimes." That‘s always been his excuse - they‘re "just friends". Although, he enjoys phone sex and exchanging nude pics with his "friends", as well as trying to meet some of them, if they‘re local enough. I made him give me his log-in info for the chat site, and I checked it - sure enough, literally over 100 women he‘s been talking to for many months.

We had a blow-up fight Friday night. He tried (again) to blame it all on me, and say that if I was better at doing dishes, he wouldn‘t have to look elsewhere. Excuse me??? That‘s always been his excuse - the dishes. Just because I don‘t wash the dishes immediately after I cook, that‘s a big enough reason for him to seek other women, LMAO!!!

So, I moved all my stuff upstairs and broke it off with him. I‘ve given him two options: 1) prove that he can carry a $1200/mo. mortgage alone and refinance the house in just his name, or 2) move out within 60 days. He CAN‘T refinance the house alone...he only makes $9.00/hour. There‘s no way the bank will approve him. So, it looks like his only option is to get out and leave me the heck alone.

I‘m tired of being lied to, and I‘m tired of being with someone who needs to be monitored to make sure they‘re doing the right thing by me. I shouldn‘t have to babysit a grown man to make sure he isn‘t cheating and trying to pull crap behind my back. Where are all the REAL men? Are there any left? Too many women are going through the same thing I‘m going through, and it makes me sick.

Good for you!  What a ****ing toolbag he is.  Dishes.  I‘d smash every one of them over his head.

Are you going to sell the house, or buy him out? 

It sure is that there are a lot of woman going threw the same thing ,because there are now more ways for them to do this.That is one thing I hate about the internet.

I am so sorry for all the pain this low life loser has put you threw.

And if you have not yet put his name up on rate a man.

Stay strong and I wont be suppries if he doesn‘t try and say he is sorry and wont do it again.

It will help to talk about it with someone and keep coming here.

Oh, yes...he‘s already tried the "I‘m sorry and I‘ll never do it again" lame azz apology. But he made that apology before, and it turned out to be bull. I‘m not falling for that again.

What I see is a man who‘s always done this, and always will do this...regardless who he‘s with. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Once a liar, always a liar.

He doesn‘t see that he‘s doing anything wrong. He‘s one of those that thinks as long as he‘s not physically doing anything, it‘s not cheating and I shouldn‘t be upset. According to him, it‘s just "talking to friends". But what kind of person has phone sex and exchanges nude photos with friends??? That‘s beyond "friendly" in my opinion, and is not acceptible for someone who is supposed to be in a committed relationship. He surely wouldn‘t accept it if I was doing this! He‘s also one of those men who thinks what‘s OK for him is not OK for me.

I‘m so tired of going through this with men. I‘ve had three serious relationships in my life, and all three ended because he was a lying, cheating scumbag. I feel like I‘m doomed forever, to be sucked in by some creep who‘s just going to crush me once I start developing feelings. It‘s not right. I‘m only 31...that‘s the saddest part. I‘ll probably be single for the rest of my life, because life has taught me that I simply cannot trust men. Not a single one of them.

Just now read this and glad to see that you caught him. The dishes???: WTF??? Maybe he needs an email or 2 from Dishpan Dottie. Just kidding. Glad to know that you did catch him and while it can‘t be feeling so great, at least you know you aren‘t nuts, like they try to make us feel we are.

I understand you.

about the dishes WTF he can wash dishes to.

And I will never understand that men think it is ok for them to do things ,but if we did them it is the end of the earth.I have been with men like that to.And with ones ,that I tell them would this be ok if someone ws doing this to your child.and they say know but ok for them.PIGS

I am sorry, I hate to hear that there is another woman in pain.  He needs to be beat within an inch of his life!

Why do they do this crap?? 

Good luck to you! 

I am selling my house, i could buy him out but there are way to many memories there and way to much up keep for me.  I want a nice little townhouse  that has a yard man and a maintenance man,  that is until I get a real man!!

Uhg........that was the name of the gal my h was phoning and getting dildo pics from!  And yes she was real nice and apologetic.  GRRRR!

I know what you are going thru and it truly sucks! 

I‘m going to start by saying that I think that you are taking the correct actions at this time.  You do not need a relationship with a man that does respect your boundaries.

Having said that, and after reading the quoted post I have one further suggestion.  Put yourself into counselling to determine why you have been attracted to this type of man, and how to prevent it in the future.

I appreciate your post.

Obviously, had I known he was this type of person to begin with, there would never have been an attraction or a relationship. I would have run in the other direction.

I‘m not attracted to "this type of man"...and I doubt any women truly are attracted to this type of man. These men are not like this in the beginning when they‘re trying to win you over. Who they truly are doesn‘t start to come out until you‘re already attached.

So, I don‘t agree that I need counselling to figure out why I‘m attracted to "this type of man". There IS no type. The fact that they‘re male is enough of a common denominator.  

Well then turn it around, find out why this type of man is attracted to you.  3 for 3 is not a co-incidence.

As for your "all men" comment, I‘m going to ignore that as I know you are in pain.

I‘m sure that you‘re a respected poster here, and I don‘t mean any harm...but being that I am in pain because of a lying, cheating man, the last thing I need is for another man to insinuate that this was somehow my fault. The lying cheater has already tried blaming me for his actions...I don‘t need anyone else telling me it‘s my fault, that I somehow had a hand in this because I chose this person.

Yes, I‘ve had three failed relationships because they turned out to be liars and/or cheaters. But the funny thing is, the three of them are nothing alike. Different family backgrounds, different lifestyle, different education levels, different everything. Because back then, I did consider that maybe I needed to find a different "type" so as not to experience this again. But, it didn‘t matter how different they were...in the end, they all did the same things, in one form or another.

That‘s why I say, it‘s not the "type" of man. That apparently doesn‘t make any difference as to whether he will lie and/or cheat. I think it‘s just simply a fact of life - no matter who they are or where they come from, they‘re bound to do it sooner or later.

Sometimes liked, sometimes despised, sometimes respected, sometimes ridiculed.  As with most of life it depends on a persons perspective.

I was trying to be careful to not "blame" you.  There is a harsh reality however.  After 3 for 3 either you are attracted to them (most likely without knowng about it),  or they are attracted to you.  In either case the most important thing is to protect yourself from them in the future. 

This is not your fault.  Ultimate responsibility lies with the deceivers.  The counselling is to help you protect yourself in the future.

I‘m sooo sorry about your situation NN. It‘s so hurtful. After awhile you start not to trust anyone/

Having said that, I want to share some stuff I learned in marriage counseling. I have been married twice both times to abusers. What drew me to them? It wasn‘t until counseling that I realized "somehow" I was unconsciously able to recognize these abusers and jump right for it. Why? Emotional abuse in childhood. Wanting to placate everyone, solve everyone‘s problems, take on responsibilities that should be someone else‘s, etc. Sad but true.

I highly recommend private counseling to help avoid these type of critters in the future. So I guess I have to agree with Thom. Tho there is nothing wrong with you, you may need help sorting things out. I sure did! And it helped alot.

Good luck and I hope this advice might help in some way.

Complaining about dishes and making $9/hour...I can see a queue of women lining up for that catch.

I am sorry for your pain, though.

His phone service is with Cingulat/AT&T. When you log into the account online, there‘s a section where it keeps an up-to-date log of all phone calls, text messages and internet usage. It‘s usually updated every few hours, so it‘s pretty current. That‘s how I caught him...he was texting his ho-bag at 4:30AM, and it showed the texts by about 10:00AM the same morning online. I called the number he was texting, and voila!

I don‘t know what other cell phone services have this feature online. My phone is with Alltel, and mine doesn‘t keep a running log like that. My monthly bill doesn‘t even detail texts and internet...only phone calls.