Finding Love Online
Dating via the Web is becoming more acceptable
By STACY PARETI
February 2009
The stigmas associated with online dating are fading. Blind dates are becoming obsolete and all age demographics are heading online to find Mr. or Miss Right. While some seeking love will always be skeptical about searching online, if you stay smart and selective you can have access to people you wouldn't ordinarily meet.
Joe Tracy, 40, of Wilsonville, Ore., is the publisher of Online Dating Magazine. Being an online dater, he launched the magazine in 2003 with a goal to educate fellow online daters.
He noticed there was a lack of information "like independent reviews of dating services (and) online dating tips," Tracy said.
Mary Kay Stallone, 49, of Chicago, decided to start online dating after separating from her husband. She tried a few online dating Web sites before choosing Yahoo Personals.
One of the main appeals to online dating is the ability to have thousands of people at your fingertips. With our busy and hectic lifestyles, it makes it easier to expand our dating scope.
Stallone didn't have the time or energy to look for someone in the old-fashioned ways. As she was online often anyways, it seemed to be an easier and more comfortable way to approach dating.
"As a database person, it seemed that doing a logical, kind of picky search was a better chance to find someone than waiting for one to suddenly cross my path," she said.
Online dating has changed a lot over time. It's much easier to narrow your search and find someone with similar interests and goals for a relationship.
"It's also the best thing to ever happen to shy people, who seem to be much more brave when behind a computer screen, and each successful date gives them more confidence. Mostly shy people and tech people led the initial charge; then it soared from there," Tracy said.
Ten years ago there were only a handful of dating Web sites, whereas now there are thousands.
"More people are trying it out now, both young and old, and the dating sites have become much more targeted," said Stephany Alexander, Infidelity and Dating Expert, CEO of WomanSavers.com and author of "Sex, Lies and the Internet."
Alexander lives in Arizona and has been a dating and relationship expert since 2002. She wrote her book to draw attention to the dangers that women face while dating online.
It is "an online dating survival guide that shows women how to screen their dates so they can avoid being scammed, used and abused," she said.
Online dating was initially popular with the younger, more tech-savvy generation, between 20-35 years old.
Dina Fenili, 25, of Chicago, tried J-Date, an online Jewish dating Web site.
She thought it would be a fun way to meet some new people and she ended up dating a few guys.
After a few months she stopped dating online because she realized how vulnerable she was becoming. She noticed that one of the guys she was dating was obviously still very actively dating and she didn't like it.
"I guess ignorance is bliss sometimes," she said. "Plus, it was like a full-time job having to talk to everyone and keep everything updated. You miss a night and they have already moved on."
Fenili admits that online dating just wasn't for her, but that she never would have known if she hadn't tried it.
"Many people I know have tried online dating, didn't like the results and then chalked it up to a learning experience," Alexander said.
With the topic becoming less taboo and more socially accepted, the online dating network has become popular in the older than 50 age group.
"Many times seniors are associated with rejecting change and technology, yet this marketplace has embraced the medium in the last several years, resulting in many services creating programs to specifically reach seniors," Tracy said.
Alexander said that, while online dating can greatly increase your chances of meeting the right person, you must date with caution.
"It can expose you to con-artists, scammers, abusers, liars, cheaters, pedophiles and rapists," she said. "That is why it is so important to do your homework on someone before you meet them."
Alexander has online dated and admits to making a lot of mistakes and wasting a lot of time because she didn't take the time to screen her dates.
"I also unknowingly put myself in potentially dangerous situations because I was too trusting," she said.
Stallone took precautions when creating her profile. She knew not to list her real location, full name or anything that would make it easy for someone to find her. She also posted a blurry picture of herself.
"At first the weirdoes come out of the wires for you. Some were very blunt about what they're looking for, and once you get used to ignoring, deleting and blocking those, then you can sift through the ones that you can have online conversations with," Stallone said.
She was up front and told everyone she spoke with that if they told her one lie, she would delete them. When one guy called her before their first date to confess that he was 68years old, not 48, like his profile indicated, she deleted him.
"I was a pretty brutal searcher," she said.
Alexander reminds women how easy it is to create a phony profile on a dating database. One can easily post old photographs, lie about their marital status, age and profession. This is why so many are skeptical to online date.
"Many criminals and con-artists lurk on online dating sites searching for their next victim," Alexander said. "The trust issues people have with online dating are definitely valid."
There are several steps an online dater can take to test the validity of their next dating candidate. She suggested googling their name in quotes, conducting a free character check on her Web site or getting a background check. Background checks usually cost less thanr $50 and can be obtained through various Web sites.
Stallone had the same doubts most have when they start online dating.
"My doubts were if it would be worth the effort and if there were any honest, normal men in my age group I would find online," she said.
In the end, she found someone online. She and Steve talked online for about six weeks before deciding to meet. Her daughter and friend urged her to meet with him and they met at a very public place for their first date.
"We talked and drank coffee and ate pie for over eight hours," she said.
Steve even offered to rent out the booth so they wouldn't kick them out.
"He told them it was our first date and we'd just met and he thought he was doing pretty well so he didn't want them kicking us out," she said.
Within a month of meeting, both of their Yahoo accounts were due for renewal and they both decided not to renew and become exclusive.
"So we would say we're a Yahoo success story," she said. Yahoo even contacted them to write a success story, but they opted out.
Alexander's advice is to "take your time, do your research and be very picky."
Stacy Pareti, a Loras College graduate, is a freelance writer from the Chicago area.
Source: http://www.thonline.com/magazines/article.cfm?id=233996
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