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Avoiding Dangerous Men

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The Eight Hotties to Avoid

By: Sandra L. Brown, M.A
Author of: How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved

All relationship choices are not the same. The bad ones we choose to be in a relationship with can change our futures or our lives forever. The recent stories of Lori Hacking and Laci Peterson remind us of the potential of our relationship patterns and ultimately, our choices.

All men are not created equal. The dangerous ones are an entity unto themselves however they do not always look overtly dangerous. If all dangerous men came marked with the sign of Charles Manson between their eyes it would make choosing a relationship a lot easier.

The relationship issues that make men dangerous exceed the normal woman's knowledge. Most equate dangerousness with only physical violence within the relationship. What makes a man truly dangerous other than physical violence is not taught to the general public. A dangerous man is one who harms women emotionally, physically, sexually, financially, or spiritually due to his permanent condition that is untreatable. What is common amongst dangerous men is their inability to grow, change, or have insight about their behavior in or out of a relationship. Women with these types of dangerous pathological men will never get their needs met in the relationship and are also at risk of never escaping the relationship. Unfortunately, 9 out of 10 women don't know even one fact about 'what' makes a man pathological or the signs and symptoms of men that are dangerous and permanently disordered.

How to Avoid a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved
Dangerous men are either diagnosisably pathological or stray so close to the edge of pathology as to be indistinguishable. These are men who not only do not ever change, but by virtue of what is wrong with them, cannot change, in or out of the relationship. The end result of dangerous men to women is the soul deadening effects that teach her to normalize abnormal behavior until it is what she becomes primarily attracted to in a relationship. Each go round with another dangerous man in another relationship only entrenches her choices until it is the only type of man she selects. Pathological behavior begins to look and feel normal.

The Permanent Clinger: This needy victim-based man gives a lot of attention but demands complete devotion within the relationship to the exclusion of a personal life. He is jealous of other people, isolates his partner, have low self esteem and threats to self harm if you leave the relationship. Women feel like they are having the life sucked out of them. He seeks women who were previously ignored in relationships or relish the intense attention he is giving in the relationship. He is attracted to women in care-giving professions (nurses, teachers, social workers, daycare workers, etc.)

The Parental Seeker (The Clingers Cousin): needs a parent not a partner in a relationship. This man has very low functioning capabilities and uses underachieving as a way of avoiding adult responsibilities. His child-likeness becomes one more child to care for. He also likes women for relationship who have high care-giving capabilities and women who don't mind micro-managing his life for him. He is particularly attracted to women who work with children or also care-giving professions.

The Emotionally Unavailable: He is married, separated or dating someone else but usually will tell you he is "almost out" of the relationship but ironically, never does really get out. He is interested in hyper tolerant women who will wait and wait on his eventual "availability" for their relationship. Also likes to target women with poor boundaries.

The Mentally Ill: Appears normal at first, maybe even notably talented, but then his erratic behaviors begin making a woman's life scary and difficult. Unhinging from the relationship is dangerous and time consuming. He seeks women who are likely to not know about mental illness or who have had exposure to it thus normalizes mental illness.

The Addicted: Often goes hand in hand with other dangerous man categories like The Mentally Ill and The Violent. Addictions can include drugs, alcohol, sex, pornography, thrill seeking behavior, or relationships. Switching addictions is common for addicts. He enjoys women who also have addictions or women who know nothing about addictions and are not likely to confront them about theirs.

The Violent: Dr. Jekyll appears attentive and giving in the beginning only for Mr. Hyde to appear~~blaming, shaming, harming, hitting anything to regain his control in the relationship. Often his charmingness is hard to leave and of course, he will never do it again. He likes women who are highly committed to relationships and faithful.

The Hidden Lifer: These men have other undisclosed women, children, diseases, criminality, dangerous addictions/jobs/hobbies or lives. Their secret lives are only found out after she is at-risk because of it. He likes women who are distracted with their own lives, those who do not follow up on suspicions, or not likely to disclose his life even if they find out while she is in a relationship with him.

The Emotional Predator: He has a sixth sense for a woman's needs, vulnerabilities and woundedness. He is a chameleon tuning into her body language, eye lingo, and verbal jargon to align himself with her needs. Some predators want access to a women's children, other are looking for a place to flop and not work, others are looking for the ultimate kill. Women who have unmet needs from previous relationships, recently divorced or dumped, overwhelmed with parenting responsibilities, lonely, or unusually naive are his pick of the day.

What a Therapist Looks for in Pathological Men

Each category of dangerous man has his own signs and symptoms and women should learn what they are (See How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved). But there are some universal signs that point to deeper levels of possible pathology that should be of concern to any woman.

* Pacing of the relationship. If its 24/7 it's not that he's "just that into you." It is often that predatory and pathological men have agendas about getting the relationship to appear "intense" and "deep" very quickly. Women should always pace the relationships slowly.

* Serial Relationships. Guys with histories of multiple failed relationships usually have difficulty being alone so they rapidly go from one relationship to another without reflection on the failed one. This exhibits a lack of insight about their behavior in failed relationships. This then increases the pacing of the relationship so that they get women into a relationship before they figure out "why" this guy has so many failed relationships.

* His History. Women need to find out more information about a man's life history which includes criminal, mental health, and relationship history. The best predictor of future behavior is often past behavior.

* Enduring Patterns of Behavior. If he has "always been this way" or consistently behaved in a certain manner, chances are he has a pathological disorder. Pathology is diagnosed by looking at enduring patterns of behavior.

* His pattern of selection. The types of women he has been with can be revealing for what type of woman he may be targeting. A history of chronically emotionally unhealthy women should be a red flag.

www.HowToSpotADangerousMan.com

Sandra Brown, WomanSavers.com Feature Writer.

* All break up and relationship articles are the property of their owners. All WomanSavers relationship articles are copyright of the individual authors, unless specified. http://www.WomanSavers.com is not responsible or liable for the accuracy and/or content of the women's relationship and break up articles displayed on this site. Submitted relationship articles for women to be included, but not limited, to the categories of: relationship articles, break up articles, abuse articles, cheating statistics, dating advice articles, divorce articles, gender difference studies, healthy relationship articles, internet cheating articles, marriage articles, medical articles, men's advice for women, men's relationship articles, miscellaneous articles, relationship news articles, rape statistics articles, sex articles, sex laws, sexual infidelity articles, single women articles, surviving infidelity articles, websites that help cheaters, women over 40.








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